R. Kelly Trapped in the Closet - Recently Updated Pages

Sylvester

trapped.n.thee.house — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 03:49:43 CST

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ABOUT SYLVESTER

Played by: R. Kelly

Role in the Trapped storyline: pulls out barretta

Introduced in Chapter 1

9-to-5er: baretta!

Trademark look: Sharp suites and sometimes shades with freshly done braids.

Personality: ---- Smooth, and funny. Handsome.

Character's best moments: ----When cigarette falls out his mouth after Roxanne kisses Tina.

Character's worst moments: ---- Fighting with the cop, (with a baretta).

Character's freakiest moments: ----When he goes down on Gwendolyn.

Best "Oh, no he di'in't!" moments: ----When he accidently shoots Gwen's brother Twan while fighting with this sausage head ass policeman James.

Gossip about Sylvester

ABOUT R. KELLY

DOB: 1-8-1967

Main credits: ----Writer & creator of TITC

Fun facts: ----A talented singer, songwriter, and a creative, musical genius!

Sylvester is Kells' middle name
Might believe he can fly

SYLVESTER'S BEST LINES

You must be crazier than a fish with ******* if you think I'm gonna let you smoke that sh*t up in my car!
S**t, think, s**t think, s**t think, s**t. Quick put me in the closet!
I pulled out my barrettttaaaaa!!!!
How did I know he was a f**king queer.
baby we must slow down before i bust a vessel in my brain.
my baby you gone be breathless.
man this is my wife we had a life unitl you buttted up in it
Tee, A** grass....that ring any kinda bells to you?

CHARACTER CONNECTIONS

COMMITTED TO

Gwendolyn
Relationship status: They're married. with 1 baretta

ON THE SIDE

Cathy
How they met: They met at Paje's club. Cathy paid him to come home with her and get caught but she changes the plan after her husband comes home.
Relationship status: They don't seem to be having affair. It seems to be like an "operational plan" but it appears they did have sex.

MAIN RIVAL/ENEMY

James
How they met: When James stops him for a moving violation
Relationship status: James is having an affair with Gwendolyn

Rufus
How they know each other: Rufus is Cathy's cuckolded husband.

OTHER CONNECTIONS

Twan
How they met: Twan is Gwendolyn's brother
Relationship status: Twan's got Sylvester's back in all dealings.

Joey
How they met: Joey and Sylvester's father knew each other in prison. Sylvester wants Joey to do the deal with him.
Relationship status: They don't appear to trust each other, but "honor among thieves" seems to be the rule they will relate by.

Twan

trapped.n.thee.house — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 21:02:00 CST

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ABOUT TWAN

Played by: Eric Lane

Role in the Trapped storyline: Twan, Gwendolyn's little brother who was recently released from jail

Introduced in Chapter 4

9-to-5er: ----

Trademark look: Joggin suit, Tims.

Personality: Hot-headed

Character's best moments: ---- When he was arguing with roxanne in chapter 15

Character's worst moments: ----He was shot by James or Sylvester in the arm.

Character's freakiest moments: ----when he having a dream about killing 'a muva fuka today'

Best "Oh, no he di'in't!" moments: ----When he was gonna slap Roxanne.

Gossip about Twan

ABOUT ERIC LANE

DOB: ----

Main credits: ----

Fun facts:

Will look like Schwarzenegger in a suit ;)

TWAN'S BEST LINES

what,wit a skillet,please *****
dont make shoot ya
Imma go and get a gun and come back and set it off in here.....*******
Well, well, well! If it ain't Laverne & Shirley!
I'M RICK JAMES, *****!
Who the hell is chuck and rufus?
Im gunna shoot me a muther fuka today
sylvester dnt make me come in there & have 2 smack me a couple of fools
i will kill both of ya'll knuckle head asses.
who dis fever blister lookin ***** think she talkin to.
man i cant beleive these bithces all the **** i done been through & tina's ass man kissin that ***** ooh.
"I'm not about to sit up here and take this sh*t from the blob father!"

CHARACTER CONNECTIONS

COMMITTED TO

Sylvester
How they met: Twan is Sylvester's brother-in-law
Relationship status: They're tight, though Sylvester gets impatient with Twan's hot-headedness.

OTHER CONNECTIONS

Tina
How they met: Don't know; Twan and Tina had some version of a romantic relationship, but things went south between them following the bust that landed Twan in prison; Tina claims she has a child that is Twan's.
Relationship status: Embittered. Tina is now Roxanne's lover and threatens Twan with court action to gain child support.

Gwendolyn
How they met: Twan is Gwendolyn's baby brother.
Relationship status: Good relationship; Gwen is concerned about Twan starting to walk the straight and narrow now that he's out of jail.

MAIN RIVAL/ENEMY

Roxanne
How they met: We don't know; they participated in a score gone bad that led to Twan's arrest and incarceration; Roxanne is now the lover of Twan's ex, Tina.
Relationship status: Openly hostile

OTHER ENEMIES

Joey
How they met: Sylvester introduced them.
Relationship status: They are not fans of one another; some of the best snaps in the entire series happen between them.

Name
How they met: ----
Relationship status: ----

Name
How they met: -----
Relationship status: ----

Randolph

trapped.n.thee.house — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 20:57:59 CST

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ABOUT RANDOLPH

Played by: R. Kelly

Role in the Trapped storyline: Rosie's husband

Introduced in Chapter 13

9-to-5er: Janitor at Rufus' church

Trademark look: wears a janitor's jumpsuit

Personality: cantankerous

Character's best moments: ----

Character's worst moments: ----

Character's freakiest moments: ----He was in trapped in the closet!

Best "Oh, no he di'in't!" moments: ----He was listening to the pastor's conversation with Chuck while he was stuck in the closet.

Gossip about Randolph

ABOUT R. KELLY

DOB: 1-8-1967

Main credits: ----

Fun facts: ----

RANDOLPH'S BEST LINES

I hope a pigeon come **** on yo face
"Woman, what's wrong with you? Bring your ole' nosy-ass back to bed!"
OOH HE GOT THE PACKAGE
Ooooh...yea hea yessssssss Lorrrrrddd!
Ooooh gin!
Ain't no pigeon gone sh*t on you listenin to me.
That he's in the hospitalllllllll!
And then that when, ohhhhhh took another shot of that gin!

CHARACTER CONNECTIONS

MARRIED TO

Rosie

NEIGHBOR TO

Sylvester

Gwendolyn

WORKS FOR
Pastor Rufus

Pimp Lucius

trapped.n.thee.house — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 20:54:21 CST

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ABOUT PIMP LUCIUS

Played by: R. Kelly

Role in the Trapped storyline: ----

Introduced in Chapter 18

9-to-5er: Pimp

Trademark look: ----permed out w/pimp suits

Personality: ----mackadelic/smooth/persuasive

Character's best moments: ----

Character's worst moments: ----When he curses in church an says "sh*t".

Character's freakiest moments: ----

Best "Oh, no he di'in't!" moments: ----When he pulled a blind hoe in church.

Gossip about Pimp Lucius

ABOUT R. KELLY

DOB: 1-8-1967

Main credits: ----

Fun facts: ----

PIMP LUCIUS' BEST LINES

The P-p-p-package?
I'm a Pa-pa-pa pimp
P-p-p-pimpin's for life
Bishop Craig I tell a hoe like this, "I don't need ya b***h. I let the welfare feed ya."
The only thing a pimp done caught up in here is the hoeeee.....me ghost.
I'm just here wit a ca ca ca...cousin.

CHARACTER CONNECTIONS

MAIN ASSOCIATES

Bishop Craig
Relationship status: Bishop Craig is Pimp Lucius' right-hand man.

Reverend Mosley James Evans
How they know each other: The good Reverend attempts to save Pimp Lucius from a life of pimpin' and sinnin' in one of the most classic chapters of Trapped in the Closet.

Reverend Mosley James Evans

trapped.n.thee.house — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 20:51:48 CST

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ABOUT REVEREND MOSLEY JAMES EVANS

Played by: R. Kelly

Role in the Trapped storyline: Reverend at Rufus' church

Introduced in Chapter 18

9-to-5er: Reverend

Trademark look: ----

Personality: ----

Character's best moments: ----

Character's worst moments: ----

Character's freakiest moments: ----

Best "Oh, no he di'in't!" moments: ---- when he tried to force Pimp
Luscious to give his life to GOD in front of the whole church

Gossip about Reverend Mosley James Evans

ABOUT R. KELLY

DOB: ----

Main credits: ----

Fun facts: ----

THE REVEREND'S BEST LINES

"you can do it Pimp Lucius"
pimp lucius u have been on my heart
"Now Pimp Lucious, God's sayin to me, he sayin you don't wanna pimp no mo. He's sayin you wanna stop pimpin alllll these hoes..."

CHARACTER CONNECTIONS

Name
How they met: ----
Relationship status: ----

Name
How they met: ----
Relationship status: ----

Name
How they met: ----
Relationship status: ----

Chapter 14

hurtingheart4life — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 10:51:21 CST

W'sup, Trapped in the Closet Lovers!
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Watch this chapter on IFC

Chapter Summary: ----

Chapter Setting(s): Sylvester's car, Shay Shay's Diner

This Chapter's Cliffhanger: Twan runs up in the place and says, "I will kill both ya'll knucklehead asses, asses, asses"...

Did anything like this ever happen to you? Share your real-life parallels.

CHAPTER POLL

CHAPTER'S BIGGEST...

Fool: Kathy is so stupid for wanting to stay with Rufus after he clearly was with Chuck for a year.

Brawl: Tina swings the pan and knocks out the narrators cigar.

Drama: ---

Reveals: ----

We discover that Cathy paid Sylvester to come home with her.

"Oh, Hell no!" Moment: Kathy tells R. Kelly what the hell happened when she was the one who planned it all and went back on her plan.

Bizarro Moment: ----

_______________________________________

CHAPTER STATS

Number of
Weapons: ---- Number of
Fights: ----
Number of Expletives: ----

FEATURED CHARACTERS

Sylvester Cathy

Tina Twan

Roxanne Narrator

Twan's informant

CHARACTER BEST MOMENTS

Best line: ----

Best cut-down: ----

FAN FEEDBACK

What I learned from this chapter: ----

What would you do in Sylvester's position? ----

Add a comment about this chapter

WHY THIS CHAPTER IS GOLD

CHAPTER TRIVIA

Most Repeated Word/Line:

----

RHYME SCHEMES

DOPE RHYMES

RIDICULOUS RHYMES

"Calm yo voice down woman I'm not trying to get loud up in here. By the way how was I supposed to know that your husband was a ****ing queer."

RHYME GLOSSARY

when is the next chapters 22- 32 coming out

amaples_ii — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:14:59 CST

Seriously is he ever going to come out wit new chapters???

r.kelly.com

ccoutcast32 — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 21:32:57 CDT

i always loved R-Kelly and still do evry time i see i just get that screamin excited feelin DAM!!!!!

Cathy

claudiababy — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 01:02:19 CDT

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ABOUT CATHY

Played by: LeShay Tomlinson

Role in the Trapped storyline: Rufus' cheating wife

Introduced in Chapter 1

9-to-5er: Being the Pastors Wife

Trademark look: Likes to put on Wigs

Personality: LIK3S TO SHOW H3R CLEVAG3

Character's best moments: ----IN RUFFUS OFFIC3

Character's worst moments: ----When she told Sylvester that he can't leave because her husband was comin' up the stairs

Character's freakiest moments: ----When she told Gwen that she was the crusty wig-wearing hoe who she was messing with her husband

Best "Oh, no she di'in't!" moments: ----When she had a one-night stand with Sylvester, who is also married!

Gossip about Cathy

ABOUT LESHAY TOMLINSON

DOB: ----

Main credits: ----

Fun facts:

Tomlinson is engaged to marry her Trapped costar, Rolando Boyce, who plays Rufus.

CATHY'S BEST LINES

"If you don't get your narrow-ass out of my house, hoe! This whoever belongs to me!"
"But a pastor and a deacon? Rufus, you don't want me to answer you?"
VODKA STRAIGHT UP HELL S**T I N33D A DRINK
you got nerve almost got you shot when you sneakin in & out of hotels with him aint no tellin what i got.
gwendolyn shutup girl damn jus listen to me...you kno dat crusty wig wearin hoe u was talkin about...well dat hoe was meeeee!!!
cuz wen i saw chuck i jus couldn't lose hym 2 hym.
u was creepin 2 the only difference is u didnt get.
love my ASS!
BUT SHE'S A HE

CHARACTER CONNECTIONS

COMMITTED TO

Rufus
How they met: -----
Relationship status: Unhappily Married

ON THE SIDE

Sylvester
How they met:
Relationship status: more like a business deal

MAIN RIVAL/ENEMY

Chuck
How they met: Rufus called Chuck to him and Cathy;s home to tell Cathy that he has been sleeping with Chuck.

OTHER CONNECTIONS

Gwendolyn
How they met: In high school
Relationship status: Their relationship is suffering the strain of Cathy's affair with Sylvester

Name
How they met: ----
Relationship status: ----

Gwendolyn

claudiababy — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 00:49:07 CDT

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ABOUT GWENDOLYN

Played by: Cat Wilson

Role in the Trapped storyline: Gwendolyn, Sylvester's cheating wife

Introduced in Chapter 4

9-to-5er: ----

Trademark look: ---- GIRLY SMOOTH

Personality: ---- NOT AFRAID TO STAND UP FOR H3RS3LF

Character's best moments: ---- WH3N SH3 SCAR3D CUZ SH3 FINK TWANS D3AD

Character's worst moments:She cheats on hubby, Sylvester

Character's freakiest moments:When she jumps out of the bed like a bat out of hell when Sylvester finda a rubber in their bed.

Best "Oh, no she di'in't!" moments:The man who she'd cheated with was a police officer. The same policeman wh gave Sylvester a ticket. when she slept with Sylvester after the cop left and didn't get rid of the condom.

Gossip about Gwendolyn

ABOUT CAT WILSON

DOB: 4-25-1980

Main credits: ----

Fun facts: ----she sings.she's married to malik yoba.she was on princess monique's the call.she was in r kelly's video step in the name of love & jamie foxx's video extravaganza.

i really like cat wilson she is an amazing actress.she is truly a rising & upcoming star.i wish you all the best of luck in your career

GWENDOLYN'S BEST LINES

You was at that bitch's house. and don't you even try to act surprise.
OH MY GOODN3SS IM ABOUT TO CLIMAX
sylvester now hold on even though he was in our home let's not forget the fact that you was out there creepin in another man's hoommee.
james i can't believe you just said what you said cuz dats not what you were sayin when ya ass was in my bed.
your right about that something did go down but i dnt have 2 turn it around cuz what goes around comes back around
rufus wife cathy we both went 2 high skool she introduced me 2 da policeman dat stopped you
sylvester please dnt.
here comes sylvester up in there with some old crusty wig wearin ass hoe.

CHARACTER CONNECTIONS

COMMITTED TO

Sylvester
Relationship status: married

ON THE SIDE

James
How they met: Introduced by Cathy
Relationship status: They're having an affair.

MAIN RIVAL/ENEMY

Cathy
How they met: High school friends
Relationship status: ----

My dates

Killab_06@yahoo.com — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 19:58:47 CDT

[Month] [Year]

Sun	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat
1

January 2009

Sun	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat
				1 New Year's Day	2	3
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25	26	27	28	29	30	31

February 2009

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April 2009

Sun	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat
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5	6	7	8	9	10 date with Yolanda	11 date with dreka
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July 2009

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August 2009

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25	26	27	28	29	30	31 Halloween

November 2009

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December 2009

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Chapter 23

fiftyfifty — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 00:47:39 CDT

Chapter 23 Narrator:….So everybody is running there mouth all because of rannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndolph…..said that chuck has got the package.....And everybody is scared, everybody is worried because if chuck has the package everybody has the package………Oh oh oh ob The package………….the package……… Now chuck hangs up on Rufus because he was coughing so bad and besides nurse betty walked on in said its time to take your bath…. Nurse betty says: What’s wrong why are you crying Chuck says no who me I am not crying Nurse Betty said yes chuck I see it in your eyes its all in your face Chuck said leave me alone Nurse Betty looks done and said who was that on the phone Chuck looks at his phone and so said no one Nurse Betty yes it was let me see it Rufus is calling back Nurse Betty gets loud and says see there give me that she grabs the phone and Rufus face popped up on the phone….SHE SAID OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK… she looked at chuck and said how do you know this man this man please tell me how do you know this man this man…. So nurse betty answers the Phone and said please tell me it aint so….Rufus says hello who is this she said please don’t act stupid he said who is this she said damn stop acting stupid…..He said Who is this please tell me who is this and where is chuck she said Rufus what the fuck this is Bettie and how do you know chuck because we are married and why are you calling him I said it was over I could no longer be just a fuck…… Chuck Gets up and says W T F….. …. that means i got.......... AIDS u mother fucker B. Smith September 20, 2007 Milwaukee, WI

trapped in kelly world

juicygrady — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 20:55:14 CST

There is no abstract available for this page revision.

Chuck

boigboi88 — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 08:37:08 CST

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ABOUT CHUCK

Played by: Malik S. Middleton

Role in the Trapped storyline: Chuck, Pastor Rufus' lover

Introduced in Chapter 2

9-to-5er: Deacon

Trademark look: ----casual

Personality: ----feminine

Character's best moments: ----WH3N H3 ROLLS HIS 3Y3S AT CATHY

Character's worst moments: ----WH3N H3 IN HOSPITAL

Character's freakiest moments: ----WH3N H3 AN RUFFUS SAY TH3R3 GUNNA GET MARRI3D

Best "Oh, no he di'in't!" moments: ---Took a knife out of his pocket wanting to cut Cathy

Gossip about Chuck

ABOUT MALIK S. MIDDLETON

DOB: ----

Main credits: ----

Fun facts: ----

CHUCK'S BEST LINES

Sneakin' in and outa hotels!
EXCUS3 M3 PL3ASE BUT I THINK I VCAN 3XPLAIN WHATS GOING ON IN H3R3 MY NAM3 IS CHUCK AND IV3 BEEN KNOWING RUFFUS BOUT A YEAR AT MIDNIGHT SNEAKIN AROUND WITH HIM HAS BEEN A LIVING HELL SNEAKIN IN AND OUTTA HOTELS
Ooo, Rufus, she don't know me! I'll cut this b**** right now!
Now you throwing your wife in my face wasn't saying that s*** when I was f******* you.
B***h, who the f**k do you think you are? I have the right to love whoever I please!"
"Rufus I Need Yooouuuu!"
CAUSE IM IN THE HOSPITALLLLLL!!

CHARACTER CONNECTIONS

COMMITTED TO

Rufus
How they met: At church; Rufus is the pastor; Chuck is a church deacon
Relationship status: His Man on the side

MAIN RIVAL/ENEMY

Cathy
How they met: Rufus introduces them in their marital bedroom
Relationship status: openly antagonistic!

Trapped in the Closet Lyrics

LumiusX — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 21:34:25 CST

(Chapter 1)
Seven o'clock in the mornin'
And the rays from the sun wakes me
I'm stretchin' and yawnin'
In a bed that don't belong to me
Then a voice yells, "Good mornin', darlin'," from the bathroom
Then she comes out and kisses me
And to my surprise, she ain't you
Now I've got this dumb look on my face
Like, what have I done?
How could I be so stupid to be have laid here til' the mornin' sun?
Must have lost the track of time
Oh, what was on my mind?
From the club, went to her home
Didn't plan to stay there long
Here I am, quickly tryin' to put on my clothes
Searching for my car keys
Tryin' to get on up out the door
Then, she stretched her hands in front of it
Said, "You can't go this way"
Looked at her like she was crazy
And said, "Woman move out my way"
I said, "I got a wife at home"
She said, "Please don't go out there"
"Lady, I've got to get home"
She said her husband was comin' up the stairs
"Shh, shh, quiet
Hurry up and get in the closet"
She said, "Don't you make a sound
Or some sh** is goin' down"
I said, "Why don't I just go out the window?"
"Yes, except for one thing, we on the fifth floor"
"Sh**, think, sh**, think, sh**. Quick, put me in the closet"
And now I'm in this darkest closet, tryin' to figure out
Just how I'm gonna get my crazy ass up out this house
Then he walks in and yells, "I'm home"
She says, "Honey, I'm in the room"
He walks in there with a smile on his face
Sayin', "Honey, I've been missin' you"
She hops all over him and says, "I've cooked and ran your bath water"
Tellin' you now, this girl's so good that she deserves an Oscar
Throws her in the bed and start to snatchin' her clothes off
I'm in the closet, like, Man, what the f*** is goin' on?
You're not gonna believe it, but things get deeper as the story goes on
Next thing you know, a call comes through on my cell phone
I tried my best to quickly put it on vibrate
But from the way he act, I could tell it was too late
He hopped up and said, "There's a mystery goin' on and I'm gonna solve it"
And I'm like, "God, please, don't let this man open this closet"
He walks in the bathroom, and looks behind the door
She says, "Baby, come back to bed"
He says, "Bitch, say no more!"
He pulls back the shower curtain while she's biting her nails
Then he walks back to the room. Right now, I'm sweatin' like hell
Checks under the bed
Then opens the dresser
He looks at the closet
I pull out my Beretta
He walks up to the closet
Get closer to the closet
Now he's at the closet
Damn, he's openin' the closet...

(Chapter 2)

Well...
Now he's starin' at me like as if he was starin' in a mirror
She yells, "Honey, let me explain"
He says, "You don't have to go no further
I can clearly see what's goin' on
Behind my back, in my bed, in my home"
Then I said, "Wait a minute, now hold on"
I said, "Mister, we can work this out"
She said, "Honey, don't lose control"
I tried to get him to calm down
He said, "Ho, I should've known
That you would go and do some bogus shit up in my house
But the Christian in me gave you the benefit of the doubt"
I said, "We need to resolve this"
Then he stepped to me, I'm like, "Whoa
There's a reason I'm in this closet"
He says, "Yeah, what, are you talkin' clothes?"
"I met this girl at the Paje's club, and she told me she didn't have a man"
Then he said, "Man, please, I'd kill you if you didn't have that gun in ya hand"
And then I said, "But your chick chose me"
He said, "Don't give me that mack sh** please"
His phone goes off and then things get a little more interesting
He steps a little closer
I point my gun and says, "I'm not the one you after"
He says, "Somethin' I bet you didn't know, my man
Did she tell you that I was a pastor?"
I said, "Well good that's better, right?
Why can't we handle this Christian- like?"
And I started to put the gun down
Til' I saw his face still had a frown
She started cryin', sayin', "Baby, I'm sorry"
Then he said, "Baby, not as sorry as you're gonna be"
I started inchin' out
He says, "No, I want you to see this"
Said, "I gotta get out this house"
He said, "Not til' I reveal my secret"
I'm like, What is goin' on inside his head?
Then he takes his phone and calls somebody up and says,
"Hello, (Hello?) Baby? (Yeah?) Turn the car around (What is goin' on over there?)
"Listen, I just need for you to get right back here, now," Click..
He looks at me and says, "Well since we're all comin' out the closet
I'm not about to be the only one that's brokenhearted"
She said, "What do you mean?"
And he said, "Just wait and see"
I said, "Somebody better talk to me"
And then his phone rang
He picks up and somebody says, "Sweetheart, I'm downstairs"
And he's like, "I'll buzz you up. I'm on the fifth floor, hurry take the stairs"
And I'm like, "Who is this mystery lady that you're talking to?"
He says, "In time you both will know the shockin' truth
Baby this is somethin' I been wantin' to get off my chest for a long, long time"
Then I said, "Nigga, I'ma shoot you both if you don't say what's on ya mind"
He said, "Wait, I hear somebody comin' up the stairs"
And I'm lookin' at the door
He says, "I think you better sit down in a chair"
I says, "I'm gonna count to four
One"
He says, "Mister, wait"
"Two"
She says, "Please don't shoot"
"Three!"
He says, "Don't shoot me"
"Four!" She screams
Then a knock on the door, the gun's in my hand
He opens the door, I can't believe it's a man

(Chapter 3)

Well...
Here we are, the four of us, in total shock, me and her
I close my mouth and swallow spit
As I'm thinkin' to myself, "This is some deep sh**"
And I says, "So you're gonna tell me he's the one you've been talkin' to?"
He says, "Yes"
I says, "No"
He says, "Yes"
I says, "No"
He says, "It's the truth!"
I yell, "All of y'all asses crazy, let me up out this door
Because this is way more than I bargained for"
And then she says, "Wait, I'm sure we can all fix this"
And then I said, "I'm late, plus I ain't got a damn thing to do with this"
And then she said, "But wouldn't you like to know just how it all began?"
Then I thought to myself, and said, "Quick, you got three minutes"
And then it got real quiet. I said, "Somebody start talkin'"
Then she said, "My God, Rufus! I've got just one question
How could you do something like this? I'm so hurt!"
Then he looked at her and said, "Bitch, please, you've got your nerves
With all your club hoppin', lyin', sayin' you was shoppin'.
And now here you are in our home, and you're callin' me wrong?"
She said, "Okay, you busted me. And that much I agree
You've caught me cheating, but this is a little extreme!"
He said, "You are my wife, sleepin' behind my back
And now I come home and you got him in the closet, how extreme is that?"
She says, "But she's a he!"
Then he said, "Please, you can't judge me"
She says, "Rufus, this is crazy"
Then I said, "Stop arguing!
I did not stay here to hear y'all chew each other out
So get to the point, or I swear I'm out!"
"Excuse me, please, but I think I can explain what's goin' on in here.
My name is Chuck, and I been knowin' Rufus about a year,
At midnight creeping around with him has been a livin' hell, sneakin' in and out of hotels--"
I said, "Brother, spare me the details"
Then Rufus said, "Chuck, please! Don't say nothin' else!"
Then she screams, "Rufus you son of a bitch"
He says, "Cathy, go to hell!"
I said, "I thought your name was Mary? That's what you said at the party
Man, this is gettin' scary. I'm gonna shoot somebody!"
Then Rufus start yellin' and screamin', sayin', "Cathy, this is all your fault!"
She throws a pillow at him and says, "You was creeping too, the only difference is you didn't get caught!"
Chuck screamed out, "We're in love!"
Cathy says, "Love, my ass!"
Rufus said they're getting married, then I shoot one in the air
Then I say, "Not another one of you sons of bitches say a word!
'Cuz all this sh** I'm goin' through is unheard!"
Grabbed my cellular, sayin', "This is so wrong"
Call up my home, and a man picks up the phone

(Chapter 4)

Now I'm dashing home, doin' 85
Swervin' lane to lane, with fire in my eyes
I've got a million thoughts
Going through my mind
I'm thinkin' about what I'ma do and who I'm gonna do it to when I get home
How could I have been so blind?
And then I look in my rear view, I cannot believe this
(Whoo, whoo, whoo) Damn, here comes a policeman
He drove right up on me, then flashed his lights
Then I pulled over without thinkin' twice
He hops out the car and walks over to me
And says, "License and registration, please"
I looked up at him and said, "Officer, is there somethin' wrong?"
He said, "No, except you were doin' 85 {60} in a 60 {40} mile zone"
Then I said, "Officer, let me explain, please
You see the truth of the matter is, is that I've got an emergency"
He said, "No excuses, and no exceptions"
He flicks his cigarette, and then gives me the ticket
Said, "Have a nice day," and walked away
I said, "Yeah, right," and drove away
Then I turned my radio on
And did 55 all the way home
I pulled up in the driveway
Hopped out and slammed the car door
Then go around the back
Bust up in the house...
Pull back the shower door
And she screamin', "Whats all that for?"
Then I'm like, "Woman, I called this house, and a man picked up my phone"
Then she says, "Calm down, did you forget, my brother Twan came home?"
"Oh..."
And that's all I could say was, "Oh"
With a stupid look on my face
Said, "I forgot he came home today"
And she said, "That's okay, because honey, I understand"
She said, "You don't have to explain," then I took her by the hand
I kissed her and then we went to the room
Then I turned some music on
Apologized one more time
Then went down and start gettin' it on
Then she started bitin' her lips, grabbin' me and makin' noise
Now we makin' love and she's my ear, whisperin', "It's all yours"
I said, "I love you"
And she said, "I love you, too"
Then a tear fell up out my eye
And then I called her my sunshine
And then she looked at me, and said, "Baby, go deeper please"
And that's when I start goin' crazy, like I was try'na to give her a baby
The room feel like its spinnin'
We keep turnin' and turnin'
As if we were in a whirlwind
The way our toes are curlin'
Then next thing ya know, she start goin' real wild and screamin' my name
And then I said, "Baby, we must slow down, before I bust a vessel in my brain"
She said, "Please, no, don't stop!"
And I said, "I caught a cramp"
Then she said, "Please keep on goin'"
I said, "My leg is about to crack!"
Then she cries out, "Oh my goodness, I'm about to climax!"
And I say, "Cool, climax, but just let go of my leg"
She says, "You're the perfect lover"
I said, "I can't go no further"
Then I flip back the cover
Oh my God, a rubber

(Chapter 5)

And now I'm like
"Well, Well, Well, what the f*** is this?
A condom in my bed? You better start talkin', b****
Before I take a match and burn this motherf***er down!"
I said, "You better start talkin', and start talkin' right Goddamn now!"
Then she said, "Baby, I'm so speechless"
Then I said "My baby, you gon' be breathless
If you don't start talkin' quick, woman I'm gon' have a fit
You don't know what you're f***in' with, girl you better cut the bulls***!
Now it's obvious somebody has been all up in my home, in my bed
And plus, I smell cigarettes"
Now I'm sniffin' and lookin' around, suspicious like someone's here
And then I looked in her eyes and in her eyes there was so much fear
Pull out my gun and said, "Is he still here?"
She shook her head and said, "No"
I'm checkin' behind every door
She cried out, "He left right after you called"
I said, "What the f*** was you thinkin'? You thought that I wouldn't find this out?"
And then I said, "You must be crazy, you on crack to have someone off up in my motherf***in' house"
She hopped up and said, "That's enough"
She said, "I can't take no more"
And then she said, "You've made your point, but now it's time to even the score!"
She said, "I know all about last night
And where you went when you left the club"
Said, "That's right, nigga, I was there with this guy in the back of the club"
I said, "I thought you was with your girls?"
She said, "I thought you was with your guys?"
She said, "You was at that bitch's house and don't you even try to act surprised"
I said, "Bab--"
She said, "Shut up...don't you say a word
It ain't nothing you can say that I ain't already heard"
Then I said, "Woman, don't you try to turn it all around
'Cuz the fact still remains that someone else was in my house"
Then she said, "You're right about that, somethin' did go down
But I don't have to turn it around, 'cuz what goes around comes back around"
I'm movin' a little closer to her, she's trippin' over the furniture
She said, "Wait, first just let me explain"
I said, "No need to, just give me his name"
And the she says, "Uhh, uhh"
I say, "'Uhh' what?"
She says, "Please sit down in the chair"
And I say, "No, I'm standing up"
And then she cries out, "I'm so scared to tell you, because of what you might do"
And I scream, "Look, girl, you better give me this man's name, and I'm not playin' with you!"
She says, "Okay," wipes her nose and asks me about a girl name Tina
I thought to myself, said, "Its sounds familiar," then said, "I'll probably know her if I seen her"
Then I said, "Anyway, girl, what the hell does that got to do with this man?"
She said, "You know my girl Roxanne?"
I said, "Who the hell is Roxanne?"
Then she say, "Roxanne's a friend of mine who know this guy named Chuck
Chuck's cool with this guy named Rufus," and I'm sittin' there like, What the f***?
Then she says, "Rufus' wife, Cathy, we both went to high school
She introduced me to the policeman that stopped you"

(Chapter 6)

Believe it or not, I just started laughin'
Shakin' my head, and just kept on laughin'
Thinkin' about all the things I had been through that day
Then she cries, "What? Why do you have that smile upon your face?"
Then I laughed out, said, "Thinkin' about the things that I've been through"
She wipes her nose and she sniggles and laughs out, "I've been through it too"
Then I start laughin' again, and she start laughin' more.
Then next thing you know we both are crackin' up on the floor
And she laughs, "I can't believe this idiot really answered my phone"
Now meanwhile Twan just got out of prison and he's on his way home
Then she laughs, "Baby, I'm sorry for all the lies and all the bullsh**"
Then I say, "Girl, just wait til' I tell you all the drama that I've been dealing with"
She laughs, "I wanna hear it all"
Then I laugh and say, "Baby first of all
I got a hangover, been trapped in the closet, slept with who knows, threatened to kill a pastor"
She says, "What?"
"Baby, this is no lie, he had a lover turns out to be a gay guy"
She says, "Damn, you've been through a lot of sh**"
"Plus I got a ticket."
Meanwhile the policeman, he turns around
Just out of concern, comes back to the house
Then he pulls up in the driveway, my car's parked crooked with the lights on
Then he goes around the back way, he hear the dogs barkin' like somethings wrong
He gets to the backdoor and discover it's been broken in
He looks around, pulls his gun out, then proceeds in
Meanwhile were laughin' and laughin' and laughin'
But from his perspective he thinks somebody's cryin'
He gets closer to the bedroom and he would swear that somebody was coughin' and sighin'
Meanwhile we're in the bedroom, laughin', as I'm tryin' to continue to explain
She yells out, "Sylvester, you're killin' me!" (F***!)
I said, "I swear that it went that way!"
Then next thing you know he bust up in the room and said, "Mothaf***a freeze!"
And then I look back up at him and said, "Wait, you're that damn police"
Then she scream, "Baby-- I mean, James!" she says, "Everything is cool"
And then he yells, "Gwendolyn, I got this. I know you're sick and tired of this fool"
And then I stood up, start walkin' towards him, screamin', "Man, get out my house!"
Then he yelled, "Freeze!"
She screamed, "Please!"
And I pulled my Beretta out
She cried out, "Sylvester, please don't"
Visions of him makin' love to her
He said, "Man, put the gun on the floor"
I can't stop thinkin' about him and her
I slowly put the gun down, and then I put my hands up
He winked at me and smiled, and that is when I went nuts
Hopped all over him grabbed the gun
She screamin', "Settle down!"
Goin' all around, both handlin' the gun, then all of a sudden, POW!

(Chapter 7)

There's total silence, blood everywhere
And confusion on their faces as they continue to stare
Then Gwen starts shakin' and cryin', screamin', "What did you do?"
And then the policeman looks at me and screams, "See, now I warned you"
Then he starts pacin' the floor, screamin', "God, what have we done here?"
Then she rushed to door, blood on her hands, screamin', "There goes your whole career!"
Meanwhile, I'm freakin' out, sayin', "We gotta do somethin'. and gotta do somethin' quick"
Then he picks up the gun and says, "I have a wife at home, I can't have no cause of this"
She says, "James, I can't believe you just said what you said
'Cuz that's not what you was sayin' when your ass was in my bed"
Then I said, "Gettin' married later, but right now we gotta use our heads
First of all, did anybody think to check if the man was alive or dead?"
Then he looks at her, she looks at me, I look at them, and we look at him
Meanwhile, Gwen's about to have a nervous breakdown the way she's shakin' and cryin'
And then she screams, "You bastards! You've killed my brother"
And then I said, "Gwen, wait a minute, I didn't--"
She says, "No, you killed my brother"
She said, "He just got out of prison. He's been through a lot
He was talking about changin' his life and everything and to come home and get shot
Then I said, "Baby, it wasn't my fault. This man had a gun on me
And besides, how was I to know that you was getting down with this crooked ass police?"
And he says, "Now, wait a minute--"
I say, "Nah, you wait a minute!"
And then I say, "Man, this is my wife, we had a life until you butted up in it"
She cried out, "Sylvester, now hold on. Even though he was in our home
Let's not forget the fact that you was out there creepin' in another man's home"
(*cough cough*) (*cough cough*)
Twan starts coughin'. (*cough cough cough*)
Then she says, "Twan! Oh my God, baby brother, are you okay?"
And he looks up at her and says, "I'm not gonna die, at least not today"
And then he asks, "What happened? Sis, why did I get shot?
Sylvester, what is this policeman doin' here?"
And I said, "Go on, tell him, cop."
He says, "Son, we gotta get you to a hospital and take a look at that wound"
Twan says, "No, I'm okay, it's just my shoulder. All I need is a bathroom"
Now five minutes has gone by and they tellin' Twan everything that happened
Twan says, "Sh**. Man, I would've been better off in prison"
And now somebody's bangin' at the door and I'm like, "Oh no! Here we go again!"
Thinkin' out loud to myself, sayin', "When is this shit gonna end?"
Then Gwendolyn looks at me and says "Baby, you got that?"
And now I say, "No!"
She says, "Why?"
And I said, "Because I'm not openin' up another motherf***in' door!"
And the cop says, "Gwen, I'll get it," then looks at me and say, "Man of the house, my ass!"
Then I say, "I'll get it, but whoever it is, I'm about to put they ass on blast!"
And then the policeman grabbed me, I snatched away and got my gun up off the floor
Then Twan says, "Man, that's what I'm talkin' about! Sylvester, point that sh** toward the door!"
Then he snatches the policeman's gun and says, "Officer, arrest me later"
I count to three, Twan opened the door and it's Rose the nosy neighbor

(Yoo-hooo) With a spatula in her hand (Spatula!)
Like that's gon' do something against them guns
It's Rosie the nosy... (Whoo!)
Neighbor.

(Chapter 8)

The policeman gets in his car, and gets right on the phone
Backin' up, shakin' his head, sayin', "Let me get my crazy ass home"
And his wife picks up and says, "Darlin' where 'ave you been,
I've been worr'd about yew"
And he says, "Police business, honey, I can't wait to tell you what
I've been goin' through"
She says, "Are yew okay?"
"Yes"
"Do y'need anything?"
"No"
"Well, I baked you a pie"
"Mmm"
"Yer favorite: Cherry"
Then he said, "I'll be there soon, sorry I kept you hangin'"
Then she said, "Honey, don't worr' 'bout it, just take your time, I still got some cleanin'"
Now meanwhile Mrs. Rosie's back at Gwen's house, tellin' it all
She said, "I knew it was somethin' about that policeman. I started to cut lose my dog"
Gwendolyn looks at her and laughs and says, "Miss Rosie, you are nuts"
And I say, "All I wanted to know is what was you gonna do with that spatula?"
And then we all laughed. Twan says, "She's a G no doubt"
Now let's head right back on over to the policeman's house
He pulls up in the garage, she didn't expect for him to come that soon
She rushed to the door, kiss him on the cheek, says, "I wuz in the restroom"
Then he said, "Whatcha say that for?"
And then she says, "I don't know"
Then he step back, look at her and says
"What you all jittery for?"
Then she says, "Sweetheart, uh.. maybe it's that time of the munth?"
Then he says, "'Maybe? Maybe that time of the month?'"
And then she said, "Yew know what I mean"
He says, "I know what came out yo mouth"
He said, "You said, 'Maybe'"
Then she says, "Baby," he walks in the house
Then she tries to lead him upstairs
But he goes straight to the kitchen
She says "Hon, I bought 'chu some pears"
And then he said, "I'ma heat this chicken"
Then she turns around thinking to herself
With this weird look on her face
Then he screams, "Woman, what wrong witchu,
why you walkin' back and forth, pacin'?"
Before she answers, she's thinkin' to herself, What am I to say?
Because the truth of the matter is, is that she just slept with another man today
And he started calling her name, "Bridget, I know you hear me"
But she can't turn around, because the truth on her face, he will see it
Then he screams, "Bridget"
"Yes?"
"Look at me"
Bridget turns around and then he says
"Whatcha got up your sleeve?"
She's scared out of her mind, stutterin' and shakin', and still talkin' about some pears
He starts screamin', saying, "Look, woman, I done told you I'm not goin' up no stairs"
Now he's got a funny feelin'. Something just don't seem right
He's lookin' at her while she's backin' up, then he says, "With all my might
Woman, I swear I'ma shoot somebody if you been doing wrong"
But little does he know that somebody's still right there in his home

(Chapter 9)

He looks around the kitchen, and says, "Somethin' is really weird"
She says "Why d'yew say that?"
He says, "'Cuz you keep tryin' to get me outta here"
He said, "Ever since I been in this house
Your face has went from white to red
And remember when I first walked through the door you
Act like you had seen a ghost from the dead?"
Then he says, "Girl, if you hidin' somethin', I'm gonna be so mad"
Then he hears something fallin', he says, "What the f*** was that?"
She says, "It sounds like it came from upstairs
Sounds like the plumbin'"
He said, "Woman, that sound did not come from upstairs
I'll be damned if you're not up to somethin'"
He said, "Now the sound that I just heard, it came from this kitchen"
And then he looks over by the stove, while she's easin' over by the dishes
And then he walks over to the refrigerator, and pushes it back
And then he looks in her face, looks like she's about to have a heart-attack
Then he notices the pie on the counter, one slice is missin', now the story's gettin' scary
'Cuz he comes to realize that Bridget is allergic to cherries!
Then he slowly looks up at her and now her face is red as hell
He's breathin' real hard, movin' closer, she says, "Hon, you don't look so well"
And then he says, "Move"
She says, "No"
He says, "Move"
She says, "No"
"Bitch, move!"
She moves
And then
He looks at the cabinet
He walks to the cabinet
Get close to the cabinet
Now he's openin' the cabinet

Now pause the movie, 'cuz what I'm about to say to y'all is so damn twisted
Not only is there a man in his cabinet, but the man is a midget!

(Chapter 10)

Now the midget jumps outta the cabinet and stomps the policemen on his toe
The policeman's hoppin' around on one leg, screamin', "Son of bitch!" while he runs under the table
He yelled, "Freeze," then dives over the table and lands on the midget
While the midget is kickin' real fast, screamin' out, "Bridget! Bridget!"
She yells, "Darlin', don't hurt 'im"
He says, "Bridget get yo' ass back"
Then he continues to rough up the midget as if the midget was under attack
Then Bridget runs up to her room, goes in her purse and pull a number out
The police puts him on the table and yells, "Man, what the hell you doin' in my house?"
He wipes cherry pie crust off his mouth and says, "Man, I was paid not to tell you"
Then the police pulls his gun out and yells, "Trespassin'! Man, I've got the right to shoot you"
The midget says, "Mister, the man that paid me to do this would kill me if I tell"
He points the gun in his face, the midget says, ''God, I think I just sh***ed on myself''
Now at Sylvester's house, Twan got a patch on his shoulder, playin' cards, gettin' along
They're laughin' and talkin' when Sylvester says, "Gwendolyn, baby, get the phone"
Then she walks away from the table, picks it up and says, "Hello?"
There's a lady on the other line panickin', cryin', and talkin' all off the wall
She says, "Wait, slow down, tell me, who am I talkin' to?"
"Mah name is Bridget and I found yer number in my husband's pocket, I had to call you"
Two minutes later, Gwendolyn's shakin' her head sayin', "Girl, I understand"
Sylvester says, "Who is it, baby?" She hangs up and gives him the address
Now meanwhile back at the policeman's house the midget is cryin' his ass off
While he's lyin' through his teeth, 'bout to get lil' ass told off
Then Bridget bust in the kitchen with a Double-barrel, sayin', "James, I can't let you do this"
Then he looks at her and says, "What? You'll shoot me for this f****in' midget?"
She says, "I love him"
The midget says, "No, Bridget!"
And then James points his gun, says, "We all gonna die up in this kitchen!"
Now, Bridget and James are starin' each other down, slowly backin' apart
Then the midget takes his inhaler out, says, "This is not good for my heart!"
Then James says, "Bridget, don't make me do this, baby, put the gun down"
That's when Sylvester and Twan bust up in the house and said, "You put the gun down!"

(Whoo) While Twan and Sylvester are sniffin' around, try'na figure out: What's that smell?
As they turn and look at each other like, Whaaat the hell....?

(Chapter 11)

Now the midget begins to wake up, 'cuz he fainted from all the madness
Seein' three guns pointed around the room, he stands and says, "I have nothin' to do with this"
Then I said, "Hold up, you look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?"
Then he said, "Man I get around. You might know my face from here or there"
Then James says, "Take a good look, 'cuz you might not ever see his face again"
Twan says, "Man, what the hell is that smell? [sniffs] Somebody done broke wind!"
And then Bridget starts cryin' while she's lookin' around,
I said, "I'm sure we can work this out, but first let's put the guns down"
Then Bridget cries, "James first"
Then he said, "No, you go"
Then I say, "Just do it at the same time"
And they both looked at me and said, "No"
And then Twan says, "Man, let me shoot 'em all"
And I said, "We can't do that!
And besides, man, you just got out of prison
And I'll be damned if you goin' back"
Then Bridget says, "I will drop the gun if he promises not to hurt Big Man"
Then James says, "That's what you call him? That's his name? (*scoff*) Big Man?"
Then Twan says, "Man is that ya' name?
He says, "Yeah"
We laugh, "Hot mess"
Then I say, "Man, why they call you that?
And he said, ''Because I'm 'blessed'!"
Then I start shakin' my head, put the gun down, sayin', "This is too much for me"
Said, "I can't take no more, done heard it all, this sh** about to drive me crazy"
And then I say, "Man, I should've never took my ass to the Paje's club!"
Then Big Man says, "Paje's! I've been there, that's prob'ly where you know me from"
Then James says, (Hey!) "Hey, Chuck and Rufus, let's get back to the matter at hand!"
Then Sylvester says, "Cool, but first there's just this one thing I've got to understand"
James says, ''What''?,
Then Sylvester says, "How do you know Chuck and Rufus?"
Police says, [smacks] "What'chu talkin' about, man?"
"You said, 'Chuck and Rufus'!"
Then Bridget says, "Hon, my stomach!"
Then Twan says, "Who the hell is Chuck and Rufus?"
Pointed my gun and said
"Talk to me James," I said, "Rufus? Chuck?"
Bridget said, "I'm about throw up!"
James says, "Man, my wife is sick"
Twan says, "Man, don't believe that sh**!"
I said, "How did ya' wife get sick?"
He says, "She three months pregnant"
And then we all said, "Oh, sh**!"
Then Bridget says, "Huney, there's somethin' I have to tell you"
And then James says, "No, baby. You don't have to say a word right now!"
Then she says. "But James--"
He says, "Rest, Bridget, while I get these fools up out my house"
Pointed the gun at us and yelled, "Leave," said, "My wife is sick"
Then Twan looks at him and said, "Mothaf***a you crazy, watch where you point that sh**"
Then Bridget says, "James, no!"
Sylvester gets a phone call
It's Gwendolyn askin' him, "Is everything OK?"
And he says, "Hell naw!"
He hangs up, then Big Man screams, "Look man I'm just a stripper--"
I say, "A stripper!"
Twan say, "A midget!"
He said. "I strip at this club called Dixie's
And that is where I met Bridget"
Bridget says, "James.."
He says, "Not now"
She says, "Hon, please let me explain"
Then Twan whispers in my ear and says
"Sylvester, let me do this nigga James"
Big man overhears us and take his inhaler out again
I said, "I'm not killin' no cop
James movin' closer to them with the gun
Bridget yellin', "Stop! STOP, STOP!!"
And then she says, "I admitted, I did it, I paid 'im--"
Then James cut her off and says, "Baby you don't have to say noth--"
She says, "No! James, I think you need to hear this
See I bin coverin' for you a long time..
Never said what was on mah mind
I even folla'd you a few times
And when I saw you with her, act like I was blind"
Then James says, "Wait a minute, Bridget, just what are you try'na tell me?"
"Not only am I sleepin' with Big Man, but he's my baby's daddy!"

(Oooo-ooh) The midget faints again
While Twan and Sylvester is trippin'
The midget's the baby's ... daddy .. whoo

(Chapter 12)

Now let's jump back to Cathy's house, they getting up off the floor
Then Rufus says, "Chuck, are you okay?" Then Cathy closes the door
Then Chucks said, "Rufus, what the hell just happened?"
Then Rufus said, "I tell ya. She just almost got us shot right here in this room
Then Cathy says, "You got nerve, 'Almost got you shot'!
When you sneakin' in and outta hotels with him, ain't no tellin' what I got!
Chucks says, "And what do you mean by that?"
Cathy looks at him and says, "Figure it out!"
He says, "Ooh, Rufus, she don't know me!
I will cut this bitch right now!"
"Woah!"
"Come and try it, mothaf***in'..."
"F*** you, ho!"
"I swear to God, just try it!"
"Let me at 'er!"
"Come on, bitch!"
"Skank!"
"Just try it, motherf***er"
"Rufus, let me go!"
"I swear to God, try it!"
"Come on"
"Try it!"
"Bitch, come on!"
"Calm the f*** down!"
Rufus says...
Rufus says, "Chuck, we'll talk about it later"
Then Cathy says, "This sh** is sad"
Then Rufus says, "Well it is what is, Cathy, we might as well talk about it
And try to get some understandin'"
She says, "Understandin'! (*sniff*) I doubt it."
They talkin' loud while the phone's ringin' (brr-rr-rr) (ringin'), started ringin' (ringin')
But no one answers, (answers) they just ignores it
Rufus scream, "I said, 'Calm down'! You both actin' like damn fools!
A wife, pastor, and a deacon, now how would that look in the news?"
Cathy says, "Oh, wife and a pastor looks good on the news"
Then looks at Chuck and says, "But a pastor and a deacon? Rufus, you don't want me to answer you"
And then Chuck yells, "Bitch, who do you think you are?
I got a right to love whoever I please!"
Then Cathy says, "If you don't get yo narrow ass out my
house... 'cuz, ho, this whoever belongs to me!"
And then Rufus says, "Nobody's goin' nowhere
Until we figure this out, we'll all just be right here"
And then Cathy and Chuck won't stop staring at each other
Cathy snurves her nose up and him, Chuck rolls his eyes at her
Then phones rings again..(phone ringin', phone ringin')
But this time Cathy walks over and answers it, says, "Hello, Longs' residence"
"Cathy, this is Gwendolyn, can you talk?"
Cathy says, "I'm in the middle of somethin', not now"
Gwendolyn says, "Girl, this can't wait. Please get somewhere quick to yourself right now"
Then Cathy says, "Hurry up, I'm listenin', shoot"
Gwen says, "Okay, I'll make it quick, girl, remember the policeman you introduced me to?"
She says, "Yeah, what about 'im?"
"Anyway, girl, sh** was tight, until this morning, everything went wrong!"
Chuck looks at Rufus and says, "What the hell?"
He says, "I dunno"
She says, "Damnit, I'm on the phone"
She says, "Go 'head Gwen"
Gwen says, "Well it all started at this club that I was at last night"
"Mm-hmm?"
"Girl, me and James sittin' in back, in V.I.P., everything was so right"
"Mm-hmm, go on"
"Well me and James sittin' there laughin' and drinkin', next thing you know
Here comes Sylvester up in there with some old crusty wig-wearin' ass ho"
Cathy looks at the wig on the floor, she says "Girl, whats the name of that club?"
Gwen say, "Paje's," she flops down on the bed, like, What the fuu-uu**?
Then Cathy says, "Gwendolyn--"
Gwendolyn says, "Girl, I'm not finished!"
Then she starts tellin' her about the policeman's wife Bridget
Who was gettin' down with this midget
Then Cathy says, "Gwendolyn girl listen--"
But Gwendolyn's goin' on and on
She steady try'na get her attention, but
But Gwen steady goin' on and on
Then Rufus screamed, "Cathy, are we gonna finish this conversation, or what?"
Then Cathy says, "Rufus, I'm on the phone!
Then Rufus says, "Bitch, I don't give a f***!"
Then Cathy says, "Gwendolyn! Shut up girl, damn! Just listen to me!
You know that crusty wig-wearin' ho that you was talkin' about?"
Gwen says, "Uh-huh"
Cathy says, "Well..."
Gwen says, "Well, what?"
Cathy says, "Girl"
Gwen says, "Cathy!"
Cathy says, "Gwen! I'm sorry girl, but that ho was me"

(Chapter 13) (The lyrics to Chapters 13-22 aren't anywhere online, so I'm typing them all up on here myself)
(edited)

Come and take a walk with me through the streets of Chitown
Let's look back and reminisce on all of the sh** that went down
Pastor Rufus Longs comes home to find his wife
Been sleepin' around with Sylvester (Oh sh**)
Sylvester's cellphone rings, he comes out of the closet
Pointin' his Beretta (Oh sh**)
Then they go through this thing, arguin', fussin', then time goes by
And then Cathy finds out about Rufus' lover, Chuck, the gay guy (Oh sh**)
And then Sylvester calls home
Never knowing that a man would answer his phone (Oh sh**)
Then he got to his house, bust up in it
To find his wife, Gwendolyn
She was f***in' around with this sausage head ass policeman
And then they got into a fight (Oh sh**)
Wrestlin' over a gun (Oh sh**)
And Gwen screamin', "Stop!"
Next thing you know, they shot her brother, Twan (Oh sh**)
It was just a lick, he was barely hurt
Now here come Rose the nosy neighbor
She think she's the neighborhood savior
And then things got real twisted (Oh sh**)
Police got home in his kitchen (Oh sh**)
To find his wife Bridget (Oh sh**)
Is pregnant by this midget
Well, so far that's how the story goes
And now it's time to continue on
So, get ready
Here is Chapter Thirteen

Sylvester and Twan gets in the car, Sylvester says, "Man, first of all, straighten your hat
Now man, I'ma go holla at somebody, and I'ma need you to watch my back"
Then Twan says, "Man, you ain't even gotta worry bout me, bro-law, I'm straight"
Sylvester says "Yeah you straight aight, with your hot head ass nigga just like when you caught that case"
Twan says, "Aww here we go, you bringin' that sh** up, that wasn't sh** but a misdemeanor"
Sylvester says, "Misdemeanor, my ass, you did three years"
"Yes, that's because of Roxanne and that bitch, Tina"
"Man, yo' sister asked me a Tina"
Twan said, "When I see her I'ma kill her. What did Gwen ask you?"
"She asked me if I knew her, I said, she sound familiar"
Sylvester says, "Hold up, man, what'chu doin?"
And then Twan says, "Man, what'chu mean?"
Then Sylvester says, "Man, is that a cigarette?
Twan says, "Man, naw, this some weed"
Sylvester pulled over sayin', "Aww hell naw, nigga what the... you forget where we are?"
Twan say, "One for the road?"
Sylvester say, "You crazier than a fish with titties
If you think I'ma let you smoke that sh** up in my car
Now throw that sh** out"
Twan looks at Sylvester like he ain't try'na hear that,
Sylvester says, "Throw that sh** out!"
Twan looks around and say, "Sh**," and throws it out
They pull off and Sylvester says, "Now this Roxanne and Tina, man, what's that all about?"
Now while they talk about that, let's head on over to Rosie the nosy neighbor's house
She's peekin' out a window, sayin', "There's something goin' on over there Bernadeen and Tedd"
Then her husband turns over and says
"Woman, what's wrong with you? Bring your ol' nosie ass back to bed"
She says, "Now, Randolph, I don't like that tone you takin' with me"
He says, "Aww shut up, woman, you always in folk business, give them folk dey privacy"
And Rosie says, "I can look out my Goddamn window when ever I want"
Randolf say, "Yeah? Well what you lookin' at? What you lookin' at? Hmm?"
Now Rosie and Randolf are arguin', screamin' at each other loud as they can
Rosie says, "Randolf, ain't nobody startin' you, so go on back to sleep with your ol' grumpy ass"
Then Randolf said, "Shut your ass up woman, sh**, folk gotta get some sleep around here"
The Rosie says, "Sleep! Sh**, Mr. Can't Get It Up, yo' tired ass been 'sleep for the last five years"
"Now watch you mouth woman"
"Go to hell Randolph! Oh, you don't tell me what to do"
"Can't nobody tell you nothin'!"
"I'm a grown ass woman I can do whatever the hell I wanna do!"
"Yeah? Yeah? Well do it then!"
"I'ma do it then"
"Do it then"
"I'ma do it then"
"Go on, look"
"I'm gon' look"
"And I hope a pigeon fly by here and sh** on yo' face"
[Gasp]
"Oh, Lord, forgive me for what I just said (This woman got sh** goin' on...)"
"If it do... If it do...Then I'm gon' wipe the sh** on you!"
Now meanwhile, between while, back to Sylvester and Twan
They drivin' along when Twan says, "So man, where we goin'?"
Sylvester said, "Man don't worry about that just be on the lookout
And Twan, your hat"
"Oh, my bad"
"Gimme a light
Now when we pull up, you keep the car in Drive and what ever you do, keep on watching"
"Man, like I said before, don't trip, bro-law, go handle yo' business"
"Well, I'm about to see if I can get this bitch to talk to me
We made a deal and she owe me some money"
"Man, I feel ya G. So call me if you need me"
"Man, everything should go smooth"
"Sylvester, don't make me have to come up in there and smack me a couple of fools"
Time goes by. It's thirty minutes later
Time goes by. Forty-five minutes later
Time goes by. And now one hour later...

(CHAPTER 14)

A car pulls up to a restaurant, the door opens and someone gets out
First thing you see is some heels and a dress, black shades on, scarf around the head and mouth,
Who could it be? Why are they here?
Up the stairs they're goin', through the door, down the aisle
Like she's walkin' in slow motion
Checkin' out the place as she walks, lookin' real cool
Peepin' out through her glasses before she sits in the booth
She goes in her purse, pull a cigarette out
Puts it in her mouth, he lights it
Then she blows smoke, pause for a minute, and says
"What the hell happened?"
First of all, woman, keep your voice down, I ain't try'na get loud up in here
Second of all, how was I 'posed to know that your husband was a f***in' queer?
"Shh"
[Clears throat]
The waitress walks by
She says, "I'll be with y'all in a minute"
"Now we made a deal, the plan was for me to come home with you. girl, I did my part
So don't you go askin' me what the hell happened when I didn't wanna do this sh** from the start"
And then she said, "Yeah, right. You didn't wanna do this sh** but your ass got paid"
And then she said, "Sylvester--"
I said, "Hold up, bitch, are you crazy? Don't be sayin' my name"
She said, "Whatever, how come you didn't tell me you was married to Gwen?"
"First of all, between the fake wigs and fake names
How the hell I'm supposed to know that Gwen is your friend, bitch--"
"Shut up, here comes the waitress again!"
"Sorry I kept y'all waiting. Child, this place is busy
It's always crowded about this time. Can I start y'all off with somethin' to drink?"
I said, "I'll just have a coffee with two sugars, light on the cream
And she says, "Vodka, straight up! Hell, sh**, I need a drink"
Then the waitress said, "Girl, I heard that, I'll be right back with your drinks"
And then she walks away, I look back at her and says, "She look familiar to me"
And she says, "What?"
I say, "Nothin'. It's just a thought
Anyway, girl, I thought the plan was for me to be in that house with you and get caught?"
She says, "It was"
I said, "What ha--?"
She say, "I changed my mind"
I blew smoke, then I put my cigar out, said
"I'm out this motherf***a, 'cuz you wastin' my time"
She says, "Wait, don't go!"
"Well then, Goddamnit, talk to me"
She says, "You wouldn’t understand"
"Try me"
[Crying on key]
"Cathy?"
"Yes? "
"Try me"
She blows her nose and says
"Well, it all started one night when I was sittin' in the livin' room
And sounds like I could hear somebody in the bedroom, moanin’ and groanin’
And I knew it wasn’t me
So my curiosity
Led me to believe
That he was cheatin' on me"
"Well, how come you just didn't ask him, give him the benefit of the doubt?"
"Because a woman knows, a woman just knows when some sh** is foul"
And then I said, "Calm down. Here comes the waitress"
"(Oooh) Like I said, it’s busy around this time, but thank y’all for bein' patient
Say, can I get y'all anything else?"
I said, "No, that’ll be all"
Then Cathy says, "Sylvester--"
He says, "Hold on," 'cuz he’s getting another phone call
It’s Twan sayin’, "Everything a’ight?"
Then Sylvester says, "We workin' it out"
And Twan says, "Well call me if you need me, dawg, you know I’m holdin' you down
And I said, "No doubt"
I hang up, then Cathy says, "Well anyway let me get back to telling you what went wrong
"Where was I? Oh yeah, the day I heard him arguin' on the phone"
Now the story goes on and on as she tellin' him everything that happen
While twans’ outside in the car, radio on, bobbin' his head, just rappin’ ("Boom, boom, boom!")
Sylvester said, "Girl, are you sayin’ he was havin' sex with another man on the phone?"
She says, "Yes"
I say, "I can’t talk about this"
She says, "Why?"
I say, "'Cuz this sh** is gettin’ uncomfortable"
Now back to Twan. He turns the radio down 'cuz he gets a call
He says, "Yeah, what up?"
And a voice says, "Yo, T, I got that information on Tina"
He says, "Talk to me, dawg"
"Well, the word out on the street is: The bitch has stopped whorin'
Doin’ hair outta momma's basement and got a job, ha ha ha
" 'Ha ha' is right. The day that bitch stopped whorin' is the day they stopped sellin' dobs"
[Laugh]
"You feel me, Joe?"
"Word"
"Where the bitch work at, a candy store?"
"Nah, the job that she got suppose to be legit. I heard ya girl off on some ol’ waitress sh**"
"Yeah, waitress where?"
"Hold on, I’m waitin’ on my people to hit me. Roxanne aunte own the place"
"You sh**in' me. Where this place at?"
He says, "Hold up, I’m getting a phone call."
Now meanwhile, Sylvester's askin’ Cathy, "Well, why you still love him?"
Then Cathy says, "'Cuz when I saw Chuck, I just couldn’t lose him to him"
And then the waitress comes again, but this time, she brings the bill
He slides her a fifty, says, "Keep the change"
She says, "Damn, thanks! Sh**, y'all keep it real"
And meanwhile, outside in the car, Twan's gettin' impatient
His homie comes back to the phone
Twan says, "Do I look like EnVouge?"
He says, "Why?"
He says, "Nigga, 'cuz the way you got me holdin' on"
"I got ya, dawg. I got where the bitch work, live, information and all"
"Yeah, nigga, I’m listenin'"
"Well, nigga, first of all: You gotta keep me down, 'cuz I went through a lot of crazy sh** to find her"
"Yeah, whatever, I got you"
"Moved in with some nigga in the Jeffery manors. 'Round the corner is a place called Shey Shey’s diner"
"Nigga, you forget? I just did three years. I need the exact address to where this place is"
"My bad, you right, kid. 9501, that's right off Haustit.
Pause it right there.
Now shoot back into the restaurant real quick.
Sylvester looks up at the waitress and says, "Excuse me, but it seems like I know ya"
And at the same time, Twan's in the car goin', "Man, this address sounds familiar"
Meanwhile, in the resturant, the waitress blows a bubble and says
"Where you know me from?"
Twan's homie gives him the name of the place again, he looks up at the sign and says
"What the f***?"
And meanwhile, back in the resturant, Cathy's nudgin' me under the table goin'
"Sylvester.."
Then Sylvester looks at the nametag on her shirt and notice that sh** says:
TINA
Then, the waitress starts backin' up with this confused look on her face
While Twan's outside on the phone, tellin' his homie, "Man, I'm right outside of the f***in' place!"
Then Sylvester says, "Hold up, I just wanna talk to you for a minute"
("Roxanne! ROXANNE!")
Then she starts screamin' Roxanne's name real loud
This bitch come runnin' from the back with a skillet
Then Tina breaks a beer bottle on the table and says
"Nigga, I will cut you with this glass!"
Cathy walks by me, goin' out the door, sayin'
" 'Not try'na get loud in here,' my ass!"
Tina start walkin' around Sylvester real slow, sayin'
"We take Tae Bo classes!"
Then Twan runs up in the place and says
"I will kill both of y'all knuckle-head asses"

(Chapter 15)

"Well, well, well. If it ain't Laverne and Shirley"
Tina says, "Hey, Twan"
Twan says, "Bitch, don't 'Hey, Twan' me"
Sylvester says, "Calm down, T"
He says, "F*** that, I just did three years for these hos"
Roxxanne said, "Who you callin' a ho?"
He says, "You, bitch"
She lost control and said, "Mothaf***er, I'll kill yo' ass"
("Stop")
"What?"
"Come on!"
("Wait a minute--")
"With a skillet?"
("Lets talk about it")
"Damn right!"
"Bitch, I will jump, nigga"
("Befo' some motherf***in' body get hurt")
"Man"
"Ya better tell him"
("T, stop")
"F*** that"
"Wait a minute, nigga, think about it"
"Three years!"
"Three years! This time'll be worse
Now come here"

Sylvester takes Twan to the side
Tina tells Roxanne to calm down
Then Sylvester says to Twan
"Look, now I know you mad, but before you go around here makin' threats
Nigga, let's not forget the fact that you're out, but you're still on house arrest"
Then, Twan says, "Cool, man, I just wanna ask them some questions about what happened"
Sylvester said, "I feel ya, but calm your ass down, or nigga, you goin' back in"
Twan says, "I got you"
"House arrest.."
"I got you, I got you"
"T. Chill"
Then Twan walks over to them and says
"How you doin', ladies? Tina, Roxanne, please excuse me.
I mean, where's my manners? 'Cuz, uh, that was very rude of me."
"Twan--"
"No, I admit the way I came up in here, man, it was kinda wild
But that ain't sh** compared to the way things gon' go--"
"Twan!"
"--If these bitches don't tell me what went down!"
[Tina] "T!"
[Roxxanne] Chill yo' ass, nigga!
"Mothaf***a, slow your roll, calm down, nigga, stop this sh**"
[Roxxanne] "Come on"
"Sylvester, f*** that, all because of these bitches, my ass got sent up on a three-year bid"
[Roxxanne] "Come on, mothaf***a"
"What'cha gonna do, nigga, kill these bitches?"
"Yeah!"
"And then what? Then what?
Life, nigga. They'll lock yo' ass up and throw away the key"
Then, Twan starts thinkin' about it, while Tina and Roxanne's watchin' him
And I say, "Man, forget about it"
He says, "No"
I said, "Well, let me talk to them"
He say, "They slick ass, man, you can't trust them"
"Nigga, it ain't about me trustin' them, it's about you trustin' me right now
[sigh] Nigga, what's wrong with you? Are you crazy, you forgot I did five years in the pen myself?
Now I'm tellin' you, I'm not goin' back for you, these bitches, and no mothaf***in' body else
So let me talk to 'em. I got this."
Sylvester takes out his gun and shows it to the ladies, walks up to 'em and says
"Now, ladies"
He takes the cigarette out of Roxanne's ear and says
"Ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies"
He walks over to the counter and sits down
He puts the gun on the counter
Goes into his pocket and pull a cigarette lighter out
And then he lights the cigarette, blows smoke, and then says
"Now ladies, it's very obvious that we have a problem here
A lot of questions unanswered. Let's answer 'em, so we can get out of here
Safe that is"
He flicks ashes and says
"Okay. Which one of y'all gon' start talkin' first?"
Then, Tina start cryin', sayin', "It was supposed to be a simple operation"
And Roxanne said, "If we delivered, Muscle Man here said it would be a vacation"
Twan says, "Man, I'll show you a vacation"
"Twan--"
"Send y'all ass straight to the mothaf***in' moon"
"Twan. What did I tell you? Ladies, continue"
Then Roxanne said, "On our way to Atlanta, eveything was goin' smooth
Up until Twan starts smokin' trees and actin' like a fool
And that's real, he got the radio loud, bumpin' Mary Jane, just swervin' and sh**"
Did you tell him to stop?"
"Yeah, I told him to stop, but he just kept yellin' out, talkin' 'bout, 'I'm Rick James, bitch'"
Sylvester looks at Twan. Twan says, "Man, I was drunk"
Sylvester said, "Drunk? You was drunk?"
Twan said, "Man, I don't know, I was just try'na to have a little fun"
"With a whole lot of heat in the trunk?
Man, I'm disgusted!
Nigga, no wonder yo' ass got busted"
Then Twan says, "Man whose side are you on, anyway? Theirs?"
Then Sylvester said, "Well, let's see:
--Reckless endangerment, loud music with drugs in the trunk, nigga, yeah"
Twan said, "Man, this is some bullsh**"
Roxanne says, "Can I finish?"
"Please," Sylvester says
She says, "Well, to make a long story short--"
Tina says, "Roxanne, girl, let me explain
See, Twan was kinda acting wild and callin' us all out our names
Then Roxanne starts cursing and screaming, meanwhile i'm in the back seat then all I know is I look behind me I say oh sh** here comes the police*"
(tina) "roxanne says"
(roxxanne) "next thing you know twan start speeding yelling out they aint gon' stop us" then tina says
(tina)"a few minutes later here come these squad cars and a fu**** helicopter" sylvester says
(sylvester)"did he stop then?" tina said
(tina)"no!" roxxanne says
(Roxxanne) but luckly that raggety a** car he was driving stopped on us (twan)"oh sh**"(roxxanne) or where we'd be who knows" then roxxanne says
(roxanne) anyway we are the three fu**** stooges laid out in the dirt now they puttin' us in the back of the car twan yellin' out
(twan)"whateva y'all do don't say a fu**** word" and now we at the police station they got us separated off up in these rooms yellin' all in our ear sayin your man twan said these drugs belong to you and I'm like
(roxxanne) what the fu**?" they say
(detective) sister your light is looking kinda dim"
(roxxanne)I looked up at tina and says "girl I'm not goin' down not for him" "so there you have it twan I gave you up, it was me" tina
(tina) "she protected you" twan said
(twan) "protected me for what" tina said
(tina) "cause at the time i was pregnate by you T"
(sylvester) coughs

(CHAPTER 16)

(sylvester) "mmm. I see" sylvester looks up at twan and says
(sylvester) "congratulations, man looks like you done had yourself a little T" twan says
(twan) no, no no, ha this girl is trippin' G" then tina says
(tina)trippin'?" roxxane says
(roxxanne)"man" then twan says
(twan) girl, wit you lyin' a**, tell me how do you know, (sylvester butts in) "TEE"
(twan) that the baby belongs to me?" then outta no where tina's eye start blinkin' real fast and she says to twan
(tina) how do I know twan" sylvester says
(sylvester) are you ok?"
(tina) how do I know?" Then roxxnne says
roxxanne) "girl I told you his a** was gone' deny this sh** when he saw you lets go" sylvester says
(sylvester) wait a minute" twan says
(twan)"bye" sylvester says
(sylvester) twan
(twan)"sh** see ya" they both pause, turned around tina looked at twan and says
(tina) in court mutta fu**** wouldn't wanna be ya" sylvester says
(sylvester) twan, ladies please wait a minute don't go yet" twan says
(twan) "they need to learn some respect" I say
(sylvester) twan!" he says
(twan) holla" roxxannne say
(roxxanne) nigga she gone' holla at that child support check" sylvester sayin'
(sylvester)nobody goin' nowhere, now y'all resolve this so we can put this sh** in the pass" then roxxanne says
(roxxanne) cool, we'll talk to you but we ain't got sh** to say to his ol' Shrek lookin' a**" twan say
(twan) "man who this fever blister looking bi*** think she talkin' to"
(sylvester) "TEE!"
(roxxanne) you mutta fu****" I say
(sylvester) "damn baby calm down" Roxxane says
(roxxanne) "what you gon' do?" tina starts to blink her eye again but this time even faster than before, and then she cries out real loud and says
(tina) I can't take this sh** no more" then sylvester asks roxannae
(sylvester) whats wrong with your girls' eye, it's like it keeps flinching" she says
(roxxanne) yeah yeah gold pimp hit her in the eye and ever since then she's got this nevous condition" then twan developes a soft spot and says
(twan) "sylvetser come here let me holla" twan pulls him to the side and says
(twan) "man what do you think?" he says
(sylvester) "what you mean?" he says
(twan) "man am I that baby's father" then sylvester says
(sylvester) I don't know it's hard to tell especially when you was in the pen, but is one thing I do believe in that is is that the bit** didn't turn you in" then twan starts walking around sayin'
(twan) "man I don't know nigga I'm feelin' kinda strange" then sylvester says
(sylvester)Gwen told me dog that you was thinkin' bout makin' a change" roxxanne yell out
(roxxanne) "I gotta lock this place up and y'all two gotta go" sylvester says
(sylvetser)what time do this place close?" she says
(roxxane) "eight" he pulls his gun and says
(sylvester)well act like it's a quarter to four" then he says
(sylvester) "talk to the girl twan it might be what you need" twan says
(twan) a family man me?, man I'm too deep in these streets" sylvester says
(sylvester)"man thats exactally my point this sh** will settle you down, you need to get up off of that bull sh** and go holla' at that girl right now" roxxanne lookin' crazy, I'm like
(sylvester) "GO" twan says
(twan) "sylvester man" I'm like
(sylvester) "GO" then roxxanne moves closer to tina, twan gimme 5 and says
(twan) fu** it joe" then he steps to tina and says
(twan)"tina you wanna work this out?" and roxaane tounge kissed tina dead in her mouth and says to twan
(roxxanne) I'm fu**in' her now!"

(CHAPTER 17)

(sylvester) *exhales sharply*
(twan) "yeah that's what I'm talking about bro-in-law, shoot 'em"
(sylvester) *exhales sharply*
(twan) "mann well let me..."
(sylvester) *exhales sharply*, shhh"
(sylvester)"y'all lucky I like that kinda sh** or I'd be done shot both y'all a**, come on twan lets get the fu** up outta here
(twan) wh. what you just gonna let 'em get away with this sh**?"
(sylvester) what, kissin', nigga come on... bring your a**"
(twan) "sh**" "fu** that, I'm go buy me a gun, and I'm gonna come back and set tis mutta fu**er off, yeah bit**es, be-lee dat
(sylvester) bring yo a** nigga!"
(twan) gimme my mutta fu**in' coat

(CHAPTER 18)

(twan) Man I can't believe these bit**es all the sh** i done been through and tina's a8* kissin that bit** OOH
(sylvester)man nigga calm your a** down thats just what your a** gets didn't I tell you not to go fu**in with these damn tricks
(twan) OH OH but you the one told me to holla at her
(sylvester) nigga all I was trying to do was make it better, you know stop the violence but who would'a ever thought that the bit** was dike'n HA, HA
(twan)oh I'm glad to know you having a good time and think this sh** is funny
(sylvester)bull sh** to the side nigga you better start talking to me about how to get this money
gwen calls but twan still cursing and talking loud gwen calls sylvester says
(sylvester) it's gwen man calm your voice doooown, helloo
static'n
(sylvester) gwendolyn?
phone is static'n
(sylvester) baby we gettin a bad connection
the phone still static'n g then gwen says
(gwen) can you hear me now?
(sylvester) noo
(gwen) can you hear me now
(sylvester) baby
(gwen) can you hear me now?
(sylvester) ok, I got you
gwen) good, now sylvester where you at I been wait'n on you
(sylvester)baby I'm on my way home to you
(gwen) movies or no
(sylvester) baby something came up then I got something else to do
(gwen) well mirna called
(sylvester)what did mama want
(gwen) same'ol thing just talking bout dale
(sylvester) what did daddy done did this time
(gwen) drinkin' and cursin' people out, she put his a** in jail
(sylvester) daddy be trippin' he think he big pimpin'
(gwen) well mirna say he touch her he gone be limpin' you know you peoples on the west side be trippin'
(sylvester)I'll see ya in a minute
(gwen) boy hurry up I'm cookin'
meanwhile at the church Rufus is getting his praise on with the reverend Moseley James says with the peace within the chior, oh they dancing, oh they shoutin' so many people been broken you gotta se the rest for yourself the doors to the church is open
(moseley) he will,
(chior) Jesus gone work it out
(moseley) work it out
chior) Jesus gone work it out
(Moseley) god will
chior & congragation) Jesus gone work it out
(moseley) work it out
chior & congragation) Jesus gone work it out
(moseley) James...
chior & congragation) Jesus gone work it out
(moseley) don't forget the offering
chior & congragation) Jesus gone work it out
(moseley) don't forget the offering
chior & congragation) Jesus gone work it out
(moseley) oh, then the second offering
chior & congragation) Jesus gone work it out
(moseley) Hey yeaaaah
chior & congragation) work it out
(moseley) didn't he, didn't he didn't he, work it out
chior & congragation) work it out (moseley) didn't he, didn't he didn't he, work it out chior & congragation) work it out (moseley) didn't he, didn't he didn't he, work it out
chior & congragation) why god will....work it out
(moseley)HEY! mom, my rent is due, HEY!
chior & congragation) work it out
(moseley) baby needs a new pair of shoes
chior & congragation) work it out
(moseley)turned it all over to him
chior & congragation) work it out
(moseley) why!!!! YEAH, Hey, good god almighty, how many of you all know that he worked it out
chior & congragation) YEAH!
(moseley) chior help me
chior & congragation) work it out
(moseley)hey, he done already did it
chior & congragation) foooor you hoo hoo
(moseley) heilejuah
then Rufus goes to his office and answers his phone, put his hand over the speaker told his assistant
(rufuss) "I need to be alone"
(background choir) work it out fooor you hoo hoo
he watches her as she
(moseley) the church is open, Pimp Lucious come on down
she closed the door and then he says
(rufus) "chuck" then chuck says
(chuck) "rufuss" and then they talk at the same time, then rufus says
(rufus) "chuck you go first"
(chuck) "rufuss I've been trying to get in touch with you, blowin' up your phone" then rufuss says
(rufuss) "I had a lot of things to do around the church, chuck tell me whats wrong?"
(chuck) "whats wrong?, whats wrong?, I'll tell you whats wrong, rufuss I've been missin' you" *coughs
(rufuss) "chuck calm down, I miss you too"
(chuck) "how come you haven't called me"
(rufuss) "all because I've been busy"
(chuck) "Oh, that is a lie
(rufuss) "chuck I'm tellin' the truth"
(chuck) "bull sh** rufuss, thats not the real excuse" *crying* "it's her"
(rufuss) "chuck wait a minute"
(chuck) "it's her ain't it"
(rufuss) "chuck listen to me,now you know and I know that Cathy is my wife, I mean you knew that I had another life"
(chuck) "yeah thats true sure I knew and we vowed to keep it between us too, all the hotels and the things we do, how we told each other I love you"
(rufuss) "chuck"
(chuck) "and you told me I was your dream come true
(rufuss) "chuck"
(chuck) "and now you throwing your wife in my face, wasn't sayin sh** whe I was fu**in you
(rufuss) "chuck, not on the phone"
cathy walks in to let rufuss know she's back, rufuss paused for a moment and then says
(rufuss) "chuck I'll call you back" he hangs up and then cathy says
(cathy) "baby who were you talking to?" he didn't know he pushed speaker phone, chuck cries out
(chuck) "rufuss I need you"
(cathy in background) "son of a bitch get your fuckin ass off the phone leave this hoe man alone"
Cathy starts snappin and chuck starts snappin' then rufuss tries to calm em' down cathy took'en the phone and throwen' it around then rufuss says
(rufuss) "cathy go" she says
(cathy) "oh you puttin me out your office all the sh** we just went through Rufuss"
(rufuss) "cathy go back in church, I got this" cathy leaves out rufuss gets right back on the phone and says
(rufuss) "chuck, let me come see you" then chuck screams
(chuck) "no!" then rufuss says
(rufuss) "we gotta talk" chuck says
(chuck) "rufuss don't let me go whoa" he cries, rufuss he ain't feelin' it..
(narrator) but chuck is steady goin' on and crying
(chuck in background) "rufuss I really love you don't let me go"
( narrator) he's coughing,coughing, crusin' screamin' and cryin'
(chuck) "rufuss don't let me go" but rufuss he ain't feeing it
(chuck in background) "rufss please you said we'd be together"
(rufuss) "chuck, this is gonna be hard,"
(chuck) "rufuss"
(Rufuss) "but I love my wife"
(chuck) "rufuss" he says
(rufuss) and I'm a man of god
(chuck) "rufuss" chuck says
(chuck) "i'm not gonna accept that i'm going straight tot the news" then rufuss says
(rufuss) "chuck slow down you don't know what you saying your confused" rufuss says
(rufuss) "let me come see you" chuck says
(chuck) "NO!" rufuss says
rufuss) "why?" *chuck coughs*
(chuck) cuz I'm in a hospital

(CHAPTER 19)

(Reverend Mosely)Pimp Lucious you have been on my heart halelujah thank you Jesus, and I looked at you and got a word from God mmmmm now Pimp Lucious God is tellin' me you don't wanna pimp no more he sayin to me he saying you wanna stop pimpin' aaaahlllll these hoes
(church man) aman
(Rverend Moseley) and turn your life around ha ha
(chrch man) just turn it around Lucious
(reverend Mosely) Now if you want it, God will do it for you, yes he will
(chrchman) Yeah
Reverend Mosely) common chior help me sing it, cummon
(reverend and chior) You can do it Pimp Lucious
(reverend Mosely) just stop pimppin'
(henchman) just stop pimpin'
(reverend)
Lucious
(chior) you can do it Pimp Lucious
(reverend) you can do it, just cut it loose, let it go

(chior) you can do it Pimp Lucious
(reverend) I believe oh I believe. Now you all just come on stage and give Pimp Lucious a hand as he leave the stage, Come on show him some of that gothic, godlin love
Young bishop Graig says
(bishop craig)Pimp Lucious are you seriously about to stop pimpin and give your life to god?
pimp lucious stop dead in his tracks and looked at young bishop craig and said
(pimp lucious) SHH, Sh, Sh Shhh, now just SHHH
then pimp lucious says
(pimp lucious) I, I, I aint eva gone stop p p p p, pimpin' p p p pimpins' the life, I'm just here wid a c c c c cousin, church, church, now the only thing the pimp done caught up in here is the ho--ly ghost. Now cummon bishop craig lets go get this mm mmm money, come on sh**-oops
(reverend) God gone do it for you Pimp lucious you done wait and see, yeah sirm helijuah!helijuah

(Chapter 20)

(narrator) Rosie's in the den sitting in her rocking chair, reading the bible and it's so peeease full until
(randolph) He got the package rosie, he got the package secret sweet britches he done got the package
(rosie) Lord have mercy Randolph...
(randolph) *shivers*
(rosie)...whats done got into you, and who got the package and what is the package
(randolph) the package Rosie, the BIG package

[talking over one another]
(rosie) Oh he** I aint got time...
(randolph) wha
(rosie)to be playing wit you ...
(randolph) what you mean
(rosie)these games carry'en on if I wanted to play some....
(randolph) I wanna talk to ya I wanna tell ya...
(rosie)... games I'd go in there and turn on the tv and watch me some wheel of fortune...

(randolph) how the he** I'm gonna tell ya when you walking away from me hmm, hmm, hmm
well he** wit you den I aint gone tell you nothin'. You must not wanna know--about the paaaastar
(rosie) *gasps* what about the pastor
(randolph) wha, wha wha wha wha wha what, did you hear that, did somebody 'round here say some'em, I thought I heard...
(rosie)now just quit playing and tell me whats goin' on with the paaaa star
(randolph) dare, now you wanna know, tell ya it's way better than peeking out damn windas you be peeking out of *slurps*, aint no pigeon gone sh** on you listen'en to me
(rosie) RANDOLPH!
(randolph) ok, ok, lemme calm down. OOOOOO sir
(rosie) i'm gonna slap you with this hot water bag if you don't start talking to me.
(randolph) alright,alright,alright! I'm ma' talk to ya, and i'm gone tell it all.
(randolph) I was at church in the pastor's office cleanin' up and next thing you know i was
(randolph whispers to fade) I was minding my business cleaning the table...
(randolph sings) ... mmm yes lord, yeees loooord, ye..., *gulp, *gulp,*gulp, *gulp, oooh wew, yeees looord,
what..
(rufus in background) I can't talk to you about that right now sister Marie I got a phone call,
(randolph) sh** think, sh** think, sh** , sh** think randolph hhhm, and thats when I got my old a** in that closet
(rosie) now quit cussin'
(randolph) now jus shut yo' a** up and listen Rosie, you say you want to know then I got in that closet and it all start to happen, the pastor came in and he was on the phone talking to a man.
(rosie) whats wrong with bein' on the phone talking to a man?
(randolph) well that all depends on what you sayin', to that man. Now to mke a long story short, he said
(chuck)rufus I miss you
(randolph) and I couln't believe my ears when he said
(rufus) chuck I miss you too
(randolph) and then his wife comes in starts pitchin a bi***,...
(rosie) I normally don't like bein' in folks business but randolph this is some jucy sh**, what else?
(randolph)anyway they argue 'en back and forth pastor rufus trying to convenience this man to let him come see him, but obviiously he said no
(rosie) what else?
(randolph) now calm down damn it wait a minute lemme think oh! oh! he ask the pastor to stay in his life, but then the pastor said no
(rosie) god must be worken' on him, then what?
(randolph) pastor say chuck, lets meet at our spot the holiday inn
(rosie) and then
(randolph) thats when
(rosie) when what
(randolph) OOOO, took another shot of that gin
(rosie) OOO randolph this is getting good, but what make you say he got the package?
(randolph) when chuck let him know
(rosie) know what
(randolph) that hes in a hos-pit-al
(rosie) *gasps
(randolph) *burps
(rosie) he got the package
(randolph) didn't i tell ya
(rosie) he got the package randolph you were right
(randolph) next time you listen to me when I'm tryingt to tell you a** somethin'
(rosie) oh my god where's my phone book
(randolph) whadda you need a phone book for?,
(rosie) looord have mercy
(randolph) now don't go tellin' eveybody around town rosie,
(rosie) whoa, got the package
(randolph) with your big mouth a**. SH**, shouln't never told her sh**, *gulp, *gulp, OOwef, OOO gin, sleepy. *snoores*

(chapter 21)

(narrator) sylvester goes home to change into something more confortable like... another suit, then he gets back into the car and twan looks atr him and says
(twan) man wheres mine at, sylevester says
(sylevester) wheres your what, twan says
(twan) my suit, sylevester says
(sylevester) nigga what make you think you could fit a suit like this
(twan) man I'm slim
(sylevestr) sh** nigga you be looken' like arnold schwarzenegger in my sh**, just stick to joggin' suits and tens', and lea the suits to me
(twan) yeah whatevea you say bro-n-law
(sylevester) twan now listen cuz what we bout' to go I'm gone need your full univided attention
(twan) I'm listen
(narrator) sylevester stars reminding twan of his past situatiions like this when he lost his head and then he looked at twan and said
(sylevester) now when we get there, it'll be a whole lot of fine bi***es in there with drinks in their glass and they hands in the air but don't get caught up just keep focusin' on me. then we'll go downstairs it'll be a hallway with a couple of pit bulls and armed security up the a**...
(twan) this on some ol movie sh**
(sylevester) this ain't tv, you fu** this up our a** is grass, you feel me?
(twan) yeah I feel ya
(sylevester) well make sure you do. now they'll be room, we'll go in it there will be about six or seven gentelmen there, then they'll search and take my gun- say nothing just sit down in the chair
(twan) man wouldn't it be better if I stand
(sylevester) naw because they don't like it when you stand, and twan, whatever you do don't stare.
(joey) how ya doin' sylvester
(sylevester) whats up joey
(joey) don't say my name, whos' your new friend
(twan) I'm not a friend, I'm his br...brother-in-law
(sylevester) he's my brother-in-law
(joey) brother-in-law is he, well he smell like a copper to me
(twan) a what!!
(guard) me too boss
(twan) maaannn
(sylevester) T!, a** grass, that ring any kinda bells to you. Now joey the only reason I'm here is to discuss business with you
(joey) yeah, yeah, well I'm aint discussin' no bussines specially with mr L.L. Fool Jay sittin here
(twan) who!!
(joey) I don't like him
(sylevester) T!, joey!
(twan) sylevester, I'm not about to sit here and take this sh**from the blob father
(joey) now watch your mouth you fu**in mooley
(sylevester) Joey thats enough
(joey) yeah you right, fellas, escort these gentelmen the fu** up outta here
(guard) alright lets go
(sylevester) now wait a minute, joey how long have you known me
(joey) obviously not long enough, get em' outta here
(sylevester) wait!, well how long did you known my father?
(joey) six years protecting each other in jail, *chuckles* but your nuttin' like o'dell, yous young guys, ha you fu**en kill me- fellas
(sylevester) alright, alright, twan wait outside for a minute
(twan) sylevester I'm not about to leave you up in here...
(sylevester) I said wait outside for a minute, remember I got this-nigga,
(twan) shh, I be listen'en from the ouside
(joey) yeah, yeah whatever mamma said knock you out, fu** outta here
(joey) what you runnin' round with hot-heads now
(sylevester) jo-ey, i think you need to lay off of the pasta, it's gettin' to your attitude
(joey) yeah, whatever, ok so lets make it quick, whadda we got here
(sylevester) thursday tweleve o'clock midnight a train comes in from Indianna
(joey) yeah so what about it
(sylevester) well heres the deal
(narrator) while syleverster talking, twan sits outside and falls to sleep
(joey) yeah well what kind of money are we talking here
(sylevester) Joey I'm tellin you you could own a whole pasta factory
(goon) te HA HA gee boss imagin that your own paw...*cleasr throght* "Sorry"
(sylevetser) now all you have to do is
(joey) you shi**in me
(sylevetser) I'm tellin you this sh** is real - hold on Jesus fellas it's just a phone , I got a phone call hold on
(narrator) it's gwendolyn on the phone sayin'
(gwendolyn) sylevetser whats wrong, you left out and didn't even eat
(narrator) while twans in the hall mean muggin and sizing up the security, sylevetser says
(sylevetser) can't talk now put the food in the refrigerator, i'll get to it later
(narrator) joey says
(joey) hurry it up
(narrator) he hangs up and askes for a pen and paper and twan turns the chair around and sits down, puts his and up and says
(twan) a**hole
(narrator) security looks at twan like he gonna shoot him, twan yells out
(twan) arm wrestle
(narrator) security looks at twan like it sounds tempting but he has a taste sylevesters telling joey
(sylevetser) if everything goes smooth this is what well make
(narratory) and now joeys checking out the piece of paper sylevetser check his watch then looks up at his goons security outside laughing at twan because it looks like he's about to loose then joey looks at sylevetser and says
(joey) what is this a joke
(narrator) he pulls a gun out and says
(sylevetser) yeah but i'm the only one laughin, nigga now don't get your a** smoked
(narrator) twans straining and looking at his watch cause he know his time is up, he breaks the table and takes the gun and point it at the gaurds and says
(twan)what, what! what!
(narrator) sylevester says
(sylevetser) guns on the floor
(narrator) then twan says
(twan) guns on the floor
(narrator) then sylevester says
(sylevetser) safe open it up
(narrator) twan says
(twan) shut them punk a** dogs up
(narrator) sylevester says
(sylevetser)get on the floor, joey don't make me have to ask you again, open up the mutha fu**in safe
(narrator) joey says
(joey) forget about it
(narrator) twan says
(twan) I'mm bout to shoot me a mutha fu**er today
(narrator) joey's goons start getting up off the floor, sylevers says
(sylevetser) joey don't make me do this
(narrator) and then the stangest thing happens, they start movin in on him, getting closer and closer and closer ,they start movin in on him, they getting closer and closer ,they start movin in on him, they getting closer and closer and closer ,they start movin in on him,
(twan) I'm gonna shot me a mutha fu**er today,
(sylevester) Twan!
(twan) I'm gonna shoot me a mutha fu*er today!
(sylevester) TWAN!!
(twan) whaa, whaa
(sylevester) wake yo a** up!
(joey) sylevetser, you man gonna be alright?
(sylevester) yeah Joey he'll be alright, the fu** is wrong with you
(twan) man I had a mutha fu**in dream that all these mutha fu**ers
(joey) yeah more like a nightmare
*goons laughing*
(twan )Puff-in-stuff, I'll show you a nightmare
(sylevester)twan, we did good, lets go
(joey) whadda you a wise guy, I'm just breakin you balls
(goon)yeah, he's just breakin' your balls
(sylevester) Joey, thursday night!
(joey) sylevester tell your lovely wife gwendolyn I said hello, this guy!
*goons' laughing fades out*

(chapter 22)
(o'dell voice on recorder) Hello saints, you reached O'dell and Myrna,leave your name and number we'll get back to you,and oh yeah GOD BLESS
(beeprb)
(randolf in background) shouldn't have told you nuttin'
(rosie)Randolf! I told you to shut the he** up
(randolf) Fu** you!
(rosie)myrna, this is rosie call me back I got something to tell you about the passstor...
(randolf)O big mouth ass woman (rosie)"shut up" should've never told your a** that shit
(rosie) randolf shut the he** up *phone click*
(narrator) and now the rumor...
(gwendolyn) hello, kathy, gwendolyn how ya doin' girl have you heard anything about this package?
(kathy) what package? girl tell me what you talking about
(gwendolyn) rufuss ruffus your husband the package, overheard that he got the package
(kathy) where you hear that from
(g) I ani't trying to say no names but I heard through the grapvine...
(rosie) thats right the package myrina i can't believe he got the package myrna
(myrna) rosie are you sure about this?
(rosie) yup!
(myrna) well tell me who told you this
(randolf) I told her a**
(rosie) randolf get off the damn line
(randolf) do cha tell me to get off the line>>>>>
(rosie) just get of the line>>>>>
(sylvester) speak on it
(gwendolyn) sylvester
(sylvester) hey baby, whats good
(gwendolyn) we gotta talk
(sylvester) baby let me call you back in ten minutes
(gwendolyn) no sylevester we gotta talk right now
(sylvester) ok,ok, whats goin' on
(gwendolyn) have you heard about this package
(sylvester) now gwendolyn baby I know what you thinking that wasn't a drug deal that was just...
(gwendolyn) I'm not talking about that kind of package, I'm talking about the pastor
(sylvester) the pastor
(gwendolyn) now listen to me>>>>
(sylvester) what
(kathy) sylvetser this is kathy i'm trying to get in touch when you get a chance call me back it's very important here's my new number
(sylvester) gwen baby just calm down, I'm on my way
(sylvester) hello
(kathy) hello sylvester
(sylvester) kathy what the hell is goin on and whats up with this rumor I'm hearing about some fu**in package
(kathy) now just calm down i'm tryingto figure it out my self but I haven't talked to rufuss
(sylvester) yeah yeah well you better call me as soon as you hear something else *phone clicks*
(cop) chigaco police department
(gwendolyn) hello, this is gwendolyn for sargent James
(cop) hold on, James, you got a gwendolyn on line 2
(james)hello
(gwendolyn) james
(james) gwendolyn yesterday you said we were through
(gwendolyn) yeah we are, but I think theres something I ought to tell you
(james) yeah what is that
(gwendolyn) I got a friend named Kathy, who slept with sylvetser. Now kathy got a husband, he's a pastor slept with a guy named chuck
(james) what the fu**>>>>>
(sylvester) yeah what up twan
(twan)sylvester I heard on the radio about this mutha fu**in pastor they talking about he got the package
(sylvester) I know
(twan) man I will bust...
(sylvester) calm you a** down nigga this a pastor were talking about and besides nigga you ain't even got no gun, now call me back
(waitress/stripper)Dixies
(briget) boo hoo hoo
(waitress/stripper)i said dixies
(briget) *sniffles, this is bridget, and I would like to speak to big man
(waitress/stripper)just hold on honey, hell is wrong with her, big mayn! BIG MAYN! telephone
(big man) h who is is
((waitress/stripper)some hussy
(big man) hello
(briget) big man
(big man) bridget is that you
(briget) yes, and I've got something to tell you
(big man) What?
(bridget) well, it's hard to explaine
(big man) briget talk to me
(briget) it's hard to explaine>>>
(pimp lucious) Yeah bishop craig, I tell a hoe like this, I don't need ya, Bi*** I'll let the wel-fare feed ya, ya understand what I'm s-s-s, sayin' hole' on pimp, gotta a f-f-f-f-f phone c-c-call, hello hey this bi***, who, when and where got what?!!
(pimp Lucious) p-p-p-p package, p-p-p package, p-p-p package, p-p-p package,

Voices talking over one another, repeats in no particlaur order then fades out....

the pastor, nigga you aint even got a gun,it's hard to explaine, what the fuck, listen to me,what, get off the line,heres my new number,i'm on my way,s***

All New Chapters 23-?

devontaeb — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 19:20:34 CST

Trapped In The Closet Custom Made Chapters
Send your own chapters and it may be shown on his page

Date	Time	Chapter
Nov.1	8:15	23

Chapter 23

Well lets go back to back Rufus,he's still talkin' to Chuck,
chuck says rufus r u ok
and rufus says what the f*
rufus says well what is wrong
and chuck says well i have aids
rufus says how did you get that
chuck says well i cant say
rufus says what do you mean
chuck says well i dont know
rufus is thinkin what the f*, i know i dont have aids
rufus is gettin a phone call
its cathy
he says to chuck
ill call you back
chuck says wtf
he hangs up on chuck
he says hello cathy
she says whats up
he says nothin how r u
well rufus i got to tell you somethin
what
well
what
well
well what
im sorry rufus
he says why
she says
well...because i like another guy

{echo another guy 5 times while fading each time}

Chapter 15

devontaeb — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 19:14:19 CST

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Chapter Summary: ----

Chapter Setting(s): Che Che's Diner

This Chapter's Cliffhanger: Tina said, "'Cause at the time, I was pregnant by you, T..."

Did anything like this ever happen to you? Share your real-life parallels.

CHAPTER POLL

CHAPTER'S BIGGEST...

Fool:

Brawl: Between Twan and Roxanne

Drama: ----

Reveals:

We find out Sylvester did five years in prison.

Tina was pregnant by Twan.

"Oh, Hell no!" Moment: ----

Bizarro Moment: ----

_______________________________________

CHAPTER STATS

Number of
Weapons: 1 Number of
Fights: ----
Number of Expletives:32

FEATURED CHARACTERS

Twan	Sylvester
Roxanne	Tina

CHARACTER BEST MOMENTS

Best line: ----

Best cut-down: ----

FAN FEEDBACK

What I learned from this chapter: ----

What would you do in Sylvester's position? ----

Add a comment about this chapter

WHY THIS CHAPTER IS GOLD

CHAPTER TRIVIA

Most Repeated Word/Line:

----

RHYME SCHEMES

DOPE RHYMES

RIDICULOUS RHYMES

RHYME GLOSSARY

Chapter 1

devontaeb — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 18:22:45 CST

Trapped in the Closet, Chapter 1

W'sup, Trapped in the Closet
Lovers!
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go to www.youtube.com to wath all videos

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Chapter Summary: Sylvester wakes up and realizes he spent the night with a girl he met in a club the night before. Mad at himself, he tries to leave the house, but as he tries to leave her bedroom, the girl blocks his way. As her husband is entering the house, Sylvester decides the best place for him to go is the closet. The husband suspects something when he hears Sylvester's cell phone ring and starts searching the house for the other man. While he's looking, Sylvester gets ready for a confrontation by pulling out his loaded Beretta.

Chapter Setting(s): Cathy’s bedroom, the closet

This Chapter's Cliffhanger: Now's he's (Rufus) opening up the closet, closet, closet...

Did anything like this ever happen to you? Share your real-life parallels.

CHAPTER POLL

CHAPTER'S BIGGEST...

Brawl:No real brawl here just drama

Drama: Sylvester's phone rings and Pastor Rufus Long hears it.

Reveals: Sylvester was sleeping with Cathy.

"Oh, Hell no!" Moment: Rufus and Cathy on the bed while Sylvester is in the closet; Sylvester's cell phone ringing

Sylvester discovers he's on the 5th floor and can't get out thru the window.

Bizzaro Moment: ---- Cathy pulled off her wig and threw it into the closet with Sylvester

_______________________________________

CHAPTER STATS

Number of
Weapons: ---- 1 baretta

Number of
Fights: ---- 0

Number of Expletives: --- 8

FEATURED CHARACTERS

Cathy : I'm tellin' you now, this girl's so good that she deserves an Oscar.	Sylvester: Must of lost the track of time, oh what was on my mind?
Rufus: There's a mystery goin on and I'm gonna solve it.

CHARACTER BEST MOMENTS

Best line: "Shit, think, shit, think, shit, quick, put me in the closet" .

Best cut-down: ----"Bitch, say no more"

FAN FEEDBACK

What I learned from this chapter:

If you're a cheater and hiding in someone else's closet, put your cell phone on VIBRATE, fool!

What would you do in Sylvester's position?

No reason to stay just because that fruit Chuck shows up...but later you find out it all maybe was planned...crazy stuff
I would have just been like oh well I guess your husband caught us.

Add a comment about this chapter

WHY THIS CHAPTER IS GOLD

CHAPTER TRIVIA

Most Repeated Word/Line:

In the closet

RHYME SCHEMES

DOPE RHYMES

RIDICULOUS RHYMES

Then under the dresser ... I pull out my beretta!

Don't you make a sound or some shit is goin' down.
He hopped up and said, "There's a mystery going on And I'm gonna solve it" And I'm like, "God please, don't let this man open this closet"
[she] says, "I've cooked and ran your bath water"
I'm tellin' you now, this girl's so good that she deserves an Oscar

Now he's at the closet, now he openin' the closet.

RHYME GLOSSARY

CHAPTER 1 VIDEO WITH COMMENTARY

R. Kelly's most insightful moment: ----

What I learned from watching the commentary video:

There's no particular reason Kelly chose a beretta for the gun, other than the obvious reason that it rhymes with "dresser." "Dresser" is, of course, integral to the plot, as it is the only logical item under which you would search for an intruder.

Best of Trapped in the Closet

x_KiiNGPiN_x — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 07:48:00 CDT

Feenin' for more Trapped?
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JUICIEST CHAPTER

CHAPT3R 16
Chapter 21
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 14
Chapter 16
Chapter 4
Chapter 8
Chapter 6
Chapter 11
Chapter 7
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
14.

DIRTIEST BRAWL

WH3N TWAN AND SYLV3ST3R IN TH3 RESTURANT WITH ROXANN3 AND TINA
Sylvester fighting Everyone (Chapter 21)
Twan fighting Everyone (Chapter 21)
James fighting Big Man
Chuck and Cathy
James fighting Sylvester
Twan, Sylvester, Tina, and Roxanne (Chapter 15)
Twan's dream gunfight in Chapter 21
Randoplh and Rosie----
----

MOST SCANDALOUS REVEAL

I PULL BACK TH3 COV3 OMG A RUBB3R
. . . .. then Roxanne tongue- kissed Tina dead in the mouth and said to Twan "I'm ****ing her nooooow!"
Rufus's secret lover has turned out to be a dude.
gwen says uh uh..cathy says well...gwen says well..well what? cathy says girl...gwen says
cathy...cathy say gwen im sorry girl but that hoe was me....
Lucious is a stuttering pimp!!! LOL So Sexy!!LOL----
----
----
----
----
----
----

CRAZIEST DRAMA QUEENS

CHUCK
Rosie the Nosey Neighbor & her Spatula!
The chick with the Pears!!!!
The Pimp and his sidekick
Randolph (Rosie's hubby)
Chuck (The overacting homosexual)
Tina
Roxanne Fine Self!!!----
----
----
----

BEST "OH, HELL NO!" MOMENT

WH3N SYLV3STER OR JAM3S SHOT TWAN(FITTY)
slyvester pull back the covers, there was a rubber
Sylvester called home and a man answer the phone.---
James & Sylvester was tussling with the gun, and the bullet has hit Twan.
When Rufus opens the front door to reveal his lover is a dude.
Bridget pulled out that shotgun like Elmer Fudd
----
----
----

DOPEST RHYME

WHY DON'T I JUST GO OUT TH3 WINDOW ....YES EXEPT FOR ON3 THING W3 ON TH3 FIFTH FLOOO
He looked in the dresser...i pull out my beretta!
Crazier than a fish with titties.
She says, "You're the perfect lover!" I said, "I can't go no farther!" Then I flip back the cover, OH MY GOD A RUBBER!
Well, well, well. What the f**k is this? A condom in my bed? you better start talkin', b***h!
You can do it... pimp lucius
is something going on wit bernidean and ted...take your old nosy *** back to bed
Is that a cigarette? He says, "Nah, n***a this some weed."
what I'm bout to say is so damn twisted,... but the man is a midget
----
----
----

COLDEST CUT-DOWN

CRUSTY, WIG WN ASS HO3
I Hope a pigeon come by and **** on yo face!
LL Fool J
Blob Father
If it do, I'll wipe the **** on you!
Crazier than a fish with *******!
Arnold Schwartzenegger in my ***!
Tee! A**/grass. Don't that ring any bells to you?
Shrek Looking ***
Hey this B@#ch!!!
I Tell A 304 like this I don't need ya I'll let the welfare feed ya!!!----
Bring ya a**, n***a!!!
What up Joe, where the ***** work at a candy sto!

Chapter 12.5

jaquandra454 — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 21:24:56 CDT

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Chapter Summary: ----

Primary Characters: All characters featured in Chapters 1-12

Chapter Setting(s): All scenes featured in Chapters 1-12

This Chapter's Cliffhanger: The drama continues...

Add a comment about this chapter

CHAPTER POLL

CHAPTERS 1 - 12's BIGGEST...

Fool: ----

Brawl: ----

Drama: ----

Reveals: ----

"Oh, Hell no!" Moment: ----

Bizarro Moment: ----

CHAPTERS 1-12 STATS

Number of
Weapons: ---- Number of
Fights: ----
Number of Expletives: ----

CHARACTER BEST MOMENTS

Best line: ----

Best cut-down: ----

FAN FEEDBACK

Biggest lesson from the first twelve chapters: ----

At this point, what would you do in Sylvester's position? ----

WHY CHAPTERS 1 - 12 ARE GOLD

12.5 RECAP TRIVIA

Most Repeated Word/Line:

----

RHYME SCHEMES

DOPE RHYMES

RIDICULOUS RHYMES

RHYME GLOSSARY

R. Kelly Trapped in the Closet - Recently Updated Pages

Sylvester

Twan

Randolph

Pimp Lucius

Reverend Mosley James Evans

Chapter 14

when is the next chapters 22- 32 coming out

r.kelly.com

Cathy

Gwendolyn

My dates

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